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That’s what I really mean I guess… Wanting him as my daddy in every way. And because we’re only step siblings by marriage, I don’t see the harm in it.
Try explaining that to mama… Or Ricky and Ronnie.Ike… Yikes.
They just wouldn’t understand.
I’m not even half way through unwrapping the first gift when Ezekiel calls me over. Telling me to bring it to the table. Hearing him tell me what to do next should make me annoyed. I’m usually a girl who does as she pleases, and he did only just tell me he could see just fine form over there.
But the past few weeks here have made me feel like I have a set of reigns on me. And Ezekiel's tugging at them for reasons of his own? I don’t mind at all.
Plus any excuse to be close to him again is fine by me.
“I just can’t believe all these gifts…” I exclaim, moving over to him. Hearing my voice break and my emotions welling up.
The sight of him. This whole house. Everyone being nothing but kind even though we’re just regular people who happened to land here because Ike liked what he saw in mama…
By the time I reach the table I’m almost crying. Sniffing it all back when we both hear the dull thump from outside. Mama craning her neck in the doorway letting us know the helicopter’s here.
Ike only gives a stern look past me towards Ezekiel, who stays right where he is in his seat. Raising a hand in a casual farewell. His lip twisting as if he’s trying not to smile.
Feeling torn between staying at his side and going to my mama, I rush over to her quickly. Hugging her and thanking her for everything. She thinks I mean the presents I haven't even opened yet, but I’m thanking her foreverything.
If it wasn’t for her we wouldn’t even be here. And right now I wouldn’t wanna be anyplace else. Not for anything.
“I’ll call as soon as we know what’s what,” Mama assures me. Rubbing my back and noticing me trembling, she asks if I’m okay. If I’m sure I’ll be alright here without her.
“You can still come, sugar.” She says , lifting my hand in hers, “We should really get this looked at by a doctor…” She says, creasing her mouth when she considers my bandaged hand. The memory of me and Ezekiel in that bathroom for so long, and him having torn my dress to wrap it still fresh in her mind.
I don’t think I’ve ever reassured her of anything so quickly in my whole life though. And once Ike gives her the hurry up, promising me Ricky will be fine and they’ll call from the hospital, I give Mama one last hug.
“You be a good girl,” She reminds me in my ear, “Make sure and do everything Ezekiel asks, okay?”
“I will Mama.” I promise her, “I will…”
I watch from the doorway as she and Ike go upstairs, headed for the roof. The ancient mansion so big, so well built I can hardly hear the helicopter above and glancing through the windows at the flashing lights it’s hard to comprehend just how wild the weather is out there.
Making me fret for mama, for Ike. For Ricky even. Hoping that they’re not making more trouble by flying in this weather. But it isn’t long before the helicopter thumps away into the night and the windows only reflect the image of me in my Christmas dress.
The house suddenly as silent as it can be, only creaking a little and the sound of distant activity form the far off kitchen.
And the pounding of my own pulse in my ears once I realize I’m gripping the door frame like a maniac. Ezekiel’s deep voice making me shiver as its vibration travels through the woodwork. Right up into me.
“Come here.” He says in a firm tone.
Making me realize it’s time we don’t have to waste if I stand here like a dummy all night. But I feel a side of me wanting to know just how bad Ezekiel does want me.
If he wants me at all.
Playing hard to get, even just by lingering by the door is one way for me to see if he meant what he said. About him wanting more than just being my step brother.
“Come and open some more of these,” he says in a milder pitch. And turning to face him, I could be mistaken for thinking that the whole rest of the house, the whole world outside even. Ike, mama and Ricky… Why, they could all just be a dream.
Everything only feeling real and making sense when it’s just Ezekiel and me, alone. Like this.
Like in the bathroom before.
“Come show me that cut of yours.” He adds, letting his voice get deeper again. Smokey.
Sending a shiver so strong up me I feel my teeth chatter.
