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On the flight here, I had a lot of time to think about, well, everything. Including what’s holding me back from telling him. I came to the conclusion that he’s the first man I’ve ever been in love with and therefore I’m absolutely terrified. Not just of saying the words, but of what they mean. He has the power to break my heart in a way that it’s never been broken before and I don’t know what to do with that.
I loved Trotter, but never the way I love Cash. We were friends, and a few times friends with benefits, but beyond that, we know when we tell each other I love you that it doesn’t mean we’re in love.
Everything with Cash is different but is it too soon to be throwing the L word out there? And what if he isn’t there yet and doesn’t say it back?
I think I would want to crawl in a hole and die. For real. How embarrassing!
He told me about his past and that he almost proposed to a woman so I assume he’s said the words to another woman before.
The obnoxious doorbell chimes so I take another look in the mirror, rubbing a finger around the edge of my lips to clean up my lipstick a bit then make my way back downstairs.
“I’ll get it,” I tell Mom.
She nods, sitting primly in a chair in the sitting room as if she expected nothing less than me to open the door for whoever this Alastair person is.
My stomach drops as soon as I see the man on the other side of the door.
Holding a bouquet of my favorite flower: purple tulips.
“Hello, I’m Hadley,” I introduce myself, years of training overcoming my nerves and bad feeling.
“Alastair,” he replies, leaning in to kiss both my cheeks.
I’ve grown up with this. Greeting new people with cheek kisses. It doesn’t change the fact that it makes me want to crawl out of my skin.
“Pleasure to meet you, Hadley.”
“And you,” I reply, moving to the side to let him through the door.
He hands me the tulips. “I brought these for you.”
“Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
“As are you.”
With his back turned to me, I’m afforded the opportunity to pull a face at him. My mother catches it but Alastair doesn’t.
“Celeste, looking beautiful as always. You and your daughter could be sisters.”
“Oh hush, you,” my mom gushes. “Look at you, handsome as ever. Your suit is to die for. Is it new?”
He nods, leaning down to kiss her cheek, placing a hand on her upper arm. Mom closes her eyes briefly at his touch and I pull a face. “Just picked it up yesterday.”
“Custom, of course,” Mom says rather than asks.
“Is there any other way?”
“Not for anyone who wants to prove himself in this world. Buying a suit off the rack is tacky.”
He laughs, a sickening wheeze that sounds incredibly fake.
“So true.”
I’m very close to vomiting.
“I’m just going to put these in some water,” I announce, fleeing the room.
I take my time “finding” a vase, deciding to chug down a glass of wine while I’m searching high and low for a vase that I just can’t seem to locate. Strange how that happened. The vases have been in the same place my entire life and suddenly I just can’t seem to locate them.
