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“You should be able to charge it to the room.”
“I know, Mom. Not my first time in a hotel,” she teases. “Cash? What would you like to drink?”
“Coke is fine, thanks, Brooklyn.”
“You’re welcome,” she mumbles. “Be back soon,” she tells us, lifting her room key to show her mom she has it with her.
As soon as the door closes to the room, Hadley’s in my arms. It catches me so off guard that I stumble back a step before wrapping my arms around her.
I hold her tightly as she lets out the emotions of the last two days.
“I was so scared,” she admits. “When Aunt Dorothy was in that ambulance and we didn’t know any details, I just kept thinking I haven’t had enough time with her yet. Brooklyn hasn’t had enough time with her. We just found her and it felt like she was being ripped away. I never had someone in my life like Dorothy and I couldn’t…” She lets out a shaky breath. “All my life, I only needed someone who spent time with me and cared. She’s the mother figure I missed out on. The grandma Brooklyn never got. And then my parents,” she mutters. “So stupid. That whole thing was ridiculous. When I should have been focused on her, I couldn’t be because they acted a fool.”
I rub up and down her back, listening as she releases all the frustrations and fears that she’s no doubt been bottling up in order to put on a strong front for her daughter.
“Shh,” I soothe. “Dorothy’s okay. She’s not going anywhere. And your parents are back in Chicago. I’m here to shoulder some of this.”
“Thank you,” she cries. “I can’t believe… ugh, I’m such agirl. Crying on your shoulder right now and whining about how bad I’ve had it when I’m not the one stuck in a hospital bed hooked up to monitors.”
“There’s not a competition for who has it worse. Just because you’re not the one in that room doesn’t mean you can’t feel overwhelmed with everything that happened.”
She nods against my chest and I move us to sit down on the bed.
“I know. Iknow. I just feel like a wimp right now because I understand that she’s going to be okay but I can’t shake this feeling of fear. I’m not equipped for things to go all wonky. I’ve been too coddled. My stupid parents didn’t make me suffer for things enough.”
I start laughing. “You’re probably the only person in the universe upset about the fact that your parents gave you all the things you wanted in life.”
“Except what I really wanted,” she explains.
“There’s that. And I doubt anyone would argue with me on this but what you really wanted is more important than what you received.”
“Exactly. Sorry I broke down on you just now. It all hit me at once. I’ve not been great about sharing things in front of Brooklyn, which isn’t okay. She’s only seen me strong and capable because that’s what I was taught. Don’t let anyone see you vulnerable or they’ll use it against you. That’s how I was raised.”
“That’s bullshit and if anyone does use it against you, they’re not the people you should surround yourself with. Feeling isn’t equal to being vulnerable. It’s called being human.”
She nods, wiping away her tears and reaching behind her to grab a tissue off the nightstand.
“Do you want to talk about your parents?” I ask quietly.
“Not really. They’re back in Chicago, thank goodness. Dad was okay. Mom was… well, Mom. We had a long talk. She asked where she went wrong with me and I immediately put up my defense, thinking she meant it in a mean way.”
My guard goes up and I feel my body stiffen. “How’d she mean it?”
“She wondered how we didn’t have a relationship like other mothers and daughters. Like I have with Brooklyn.”
I relax a little. “What did you tell her?”
“The truth. That she never wanted that with me and showed me that I was just in the way most of my life. She argued at first, but then Dorothy woke up and gave it to her in a way she understood. From another perspective, I guess. Dorothy lived with it, too, and helped Mom to see things a little more clearly. Mom didn’t like to hear that she was never amomto me, so it wasn’t a pleasant conversation to have but I believe she’s starting to see, I think. At the very least, she has something to think about. What she does with it, only time will tell. Things between my parents and I will never begood, but I think – or at least hope – that they’ll be better. Dad made a little bit of progress with Brooklyn, too. They spent some time together and Brooklyn said not once did he try to tell her what to do or change anything. That’s a huge step. He listened and showed her he cared and that might seem like nothing, but it’s actually a big difference to what he’s normally like.”
“You stood up for yourself in the diner. I was proud of you. And that’s not nothing; that seems like he’s learning quickly what it’s going to take to be in both your lives.”
She smiles, looking up at me from under her lashes. “Thanks. It was a long time coming.”
“I bet.”
“Can I admit something that might make you think even less of them?”
I cringe, wondering how I could think less of them after what I overheard at the diner. “Go for it.”
