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“Astronomical.”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
I take a sip of my iced tea and sit back in my chair, pushing my plate of half-eaten food away. My appetite is gone – though I've actually not had much of an appetite since I signed the papers and left Frontline the other day. My mind has been caught up in Aaron as memory after memory has come crashing back down in my head – things I haven't thought about for years. And of course, I've had to deal with all of the emotional bullshit that's gotten stirred up along with it.
“If you weren't sure about it, why did you sign the papers?” Olivia asks.
“Because I felt like I couldn't afford to pass it up,” I admit. “I mean, the money he's offering – it will allow me to keep the condo and go back to school, Olivia. At least, it will soon.”
“And your history with this guy?”
I shrug and take another sip of my tea. “It's not a long history,” I say.
“But from what you've told me, it's an intense history.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
Thoughts and memories of the semester or so I spent dating Aaron float through my mind. It was something of an intense history. Our relationship, such as it was, burned bright and hot in the beginning, but quickly flamed out. It ended badly. Aaron graduated and went traveling the world, right around the same time my mother died.
And suddenly, I was alone. I had no interest in waiting around for him while he went partying without me. Part of me resented him, too, for having the time of his life while I was hurting and alone. So, I cut off all contact with him. I just put my head down and studied for the next three years. I didn’t need friends. It was just easier for me that way. And when I graduated, I went traveling for myself. Part of it to escape, part of it to figure out how to deal with my mother’s death, but part of it, too, to stick it to Aaron. He left when I needed him most.
At the time I thought I’d never forgive him. But now, everything is different.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” Olivia asks. “I mean, do you really think you'll be able to put that history aside and work for this guy?”
I purse my lips and give her a tight smile. “I feel like I have to try.”
“Why, though? You have options, Emily.”
Letting out a long breath, I look at her. It's hard to explain – even to myself. At least, explain it without sounding like a total headcase. Or some prideful fool. But I know I owe her something. I know I owe her at least some semblance of an explanation for putting myself in what could be a very awkward, tense situation, rather than take what is probably the smarter – and definitely easier – road to my goals. She looks at me, her dark eyes boring into me, an expectant look upon her face.
“Because I guess I need to feel like I can stand on my own two feet,” I offer. “And I don't know that I'm going to feel like that living in your house. At worst, I fear I'll feel like a burden on you and your family.”
“Liam loves you,” she counters. “And Sam absolutely adores his aunt Emily. You know this.”
“Yeah, I know,” I explain. “But this isn't about how they feel about me, Olivia. It's about how I feel about myself. And I don't know that I can look myself in the eye if I don't at least try to make this work. If I don't at least try to make it on my own.”
A small smile creeps across her face. “You've always been stubborn and proud as hell.”
I laugh softly. “That's true. I've always considered those to be among my better qualities, though.”
Olivia purses her lips, obviously not convinced. She knows me. I can be stubborn and prideful and will often do things to avoid looking like I quit or gave up. It's been my downfall more than once in my life. It's just who I am, though. I'm headstrong. And I don't like accepting help from others. I don't like feeling like a damn charity case. I'm an independent woman. I feel like I should be able to stand on my own two feet.
“Just make sure you're being smart,” she demands. “And that you're taking care of yourself.”
“I will. If it gets to be too much for me to deal with, I'll just quit,” I tell her. “It's not like I swore a blood oath and am forever bound to that job.”
It was meant to lighten the mood, but Olivia doesn't even crack a smile. “Promise me.”
“Promise you what?”
“That if things get to be too much, that you'll quit.”
“I promise.”
She looks at me for a moment longer, no doubt questioning whether or not I'll ever admit to things getting to be too much for me to handle. But she's going to have to trust me as I'm going to have to trust myself.
I quit my last job when I couldn't take anymore, and I can do it again if I need to.
