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Of course, the tension could simply be a matter of me knowing I can do better than this job. I was built for better things. I feel way overqualified to be a personal assistant. The fact that I'm required to grab his coffee on my way in and pick up his dry cleaning – it's not exactly glamorous. To say the least. And it really highlights the position I'm in at this point in my life. It's a painful reality check.
Yeah, maybe I’m being a little snooty, but I know I can – and should – be doing better things. While it's a steady job that pays pretty well, the fact remains that it's a menial job that requires little to no actual brain activity. A trained monkey could do this job.
As for Aaron, he's been a gentleman. He's been kind, and I can't outline any specific complaints with him. He's kept things professional, but I know he wants more. I can see it in his eyes and hear it in the things he says. More importantly, I can hear it in the things he doesn't say. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, the attraction he felt for me back at Rodham hasn't gone away entirely.
And truthfully, I can't say the attraction I felt for him is entirely gone either.
There's no denying that he's a handsome man. With his strong jaw, chiseled face, and a lean, toned body that would put some professional athletes to shame, he cuts an Adonis-like figure. There's a smattering of gray in his dark hair that wasn't there before, but it makes him look distinguished. Mature. And those blue eyes of his are still as cool and captivating as ever. When he looks at me, it feels like he's laying me bare. Like he can see into my very soul.
It's sometimes difficult to focus on my work when he's standing near me. Sometimes I just want to reach out and touch him. My body vibrates with an electricity when he's near me and the fires of desire burn bright within me.
When that fire threatens to consume me and lead me to do something I know I'll regret, I have to stop, step back, and remind myself that it can't happen. I'm not here to rekindle an old flame or begin anything new. I'm here to do a job and to put myself in a position to get back into school and finally finish what I started. I have to remind myself that my sole focus is to finally start living the life I was meant to lead. My focus is on reclaiming the life I always wanted before my father stripped me of it with his – problems.
But it is hard to remember that sometimes.
The fact that I have a reaction to Aaron I've never had for any other man makes it all the more difficult. Before I met him in college, I was a virgin by choice. I never was the kind of woman who believes in sleeping around. For me, sex without feeling a connection to someone is pointless, and I may as well just get off on my own. Even still, years later and now that I’m single, I don’t really care to go have meaningless sex with random strangers. That’s not my way. Besides, I've got toys and porn readily available, so it's not like I can't scratch that itch when I get it. When it comes to Aaron, though, my body still yearns for his in ways it's never yearned for anybody. He was the first man I ever gave myself to. Even all these years later, the slightest touch from him sends shockwaves through me and I end up turned on almost instantly. He's had that sort of maddening effect on me since college – something not even the years that separated us seem to have dulled.
I'm painfully conscious of that, so other than very impersonal handshakes, I've been very careful to avoid physical contact with him for that very reason. The one time his arm accidentally brushed up against my breast, it took everything I had not to pull him into a closed office and kiss him. I don't even think he noticed, but in that moment, I wanted him. Badly. Thankfully, that moment passed without me doing something stupid.
It's made me painfully aware that it would be all too easy for me to give myself over to Aaron. But it's something that just can't happen. Not only would it not be appropriate, it would be opening doors I am not prepared to walk through. It would open doors that should probably stay closed forever.
Aaron and I had our chance back at Rodham. If there was one thing I learned, it was that even though our chemistry was off the charts, there were more than enough reasons why it shouldn't happen. Why we shouldn't happen. We may come from somewhat similar backgrounds or privilege, but now we occupy two entirely different worlds.
For me, one of the biggest reasons he and I should never happen boils down to trust. I learned that I can't trust him the hard way, when he just left me alone after my mother died. I shudder to think how he would have acted after my father’s death a few years later. It was a painful lesson, but I learned it all the same. If there was one good thing that came out of my parent’s deaths – and this is really reaching – it’s that it reinforced to me that I can’t rely on anyone except myself.
Fate is a cruel bitch sometimes. Being thrown back into Aaron's orbit has got to be one of the cruelest coincidences ever. If there's any silver lining, it's that all the time away from him allowed me to grow and mature a bit more. It helped teach me who I am as a person. It helped me develop an iron shell to protect my heart and taught me what I'm willing to put up with. And maybe more important, what I'm not.
There's a knock on my office door. I look up from my computer as a well-dressed man I've never seen before opens it and steps inside. He's handsome, with soft features and eyes that seem to see everything and yet are still kind. He's tall and thin, with short, neatly-styled hair and a smile nearly as blinding as the sun.
“Sorry to intrude.”
“No intrusion,” I insist. “Please, come in.”
The man closes the office door behind him, then walks over and shakes my hand before taking one of the two seats in front of my desk. A fastidious man, he straightens his jacket and smooths his slacks before looking back up at me.
“Pete Redwood,” he informs me. “Lead counsel for Frontline.”
I give him a warm smile. “Emily Hall. It's nice to meet you.”
“Same,” he replies. “I just wanted to pop in and see how you're adjusting so far.”
I lean back in my seat. “So far, so good.”
“That's good. I'm glad to hear that.”
It's probably my overactive, paranoid brain at work, but something seems strange about having the head of the company's legal department coming in to check up on me, a lowly personal assistant. To me, that's Human Resources’ job – Ms. Reynolds' job – rather than that of the legal department. Which makes me wonder what his agenda is.
“And Aaron? Has he been treating you well?” Redwood presses.
I give him a rueful smile. “Are you afraid he's not going to?”
Redwood chuckles. “Not at all. I just know he can be a handful sometimes. I just like to get in front of any potential situations before they actually become situations. I prefer being proactive rather than reactive.”
I cock my head and look at him. “Have there been many? Situations you've needed to get in front of?”
He runs a hand through his hair, that All-American, sweet-as-apple-pie smile on his face. “Not at all,” he replies. “Can I be frank and completely off the record with you, Ms. Hall?”
“Emily, please,” I tell him. “And yes, you can.”
