AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I laugh. “You can tell her to hold off on that for a while,” I tell him. “Or maybe you should hold off on telling her.”
Our laughter tapers off and Nick is left looking at me, a smile on his face. “This is a good thing, Aaron. You need somebody like her in your life.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“One last word of advice from an old friend?” he queries.
“Sure.”
He gives me a mischievous grin. “You want this. You need this,” he says. “Don't fuck it up.”
Chapter Sixteen
Emily
The entire way home, I cursed myself for agreeing to go to Portland with him. That's the last thing I should be doing, given the sexual tension that already exists between us. I'm managing to hold it at bay while we're at work. I'm somehow able to keep it all strictly professional – but just barely.
But I'd be lying if I said there aren't times when I see him looking at me a certain way, or when he's standing so deliciously close to me, that I am sorely tempted to give in and pull him to me. There's a certain part of me that yearns to feel his toned body pressed to mine. To feel our mouths locked in a passionate, intense kiss.
Which is exactly why I've been chastising myself for the last thirty minutes. However, the minute I walk through the door, put my things down, and pour my post-work glass of wine, I spot the letter and picture Robert had left for me sitting where I'd left them on the counter. That familiar cold chill sweeps through me once more. Detective Lundgren had informed me that since there were no cameras in the halls or stairwell, they didn’t pick Robert up on any of them.
I pick up the picture of Aaron and I looking cozy as hell and feel a smile touching my lips. Even though it's totally out of context and not even close to what it looks like, seeing him holding my hand and looking into my eyes fills me with a warmth and longing I can't deny – as much as I'd like to.
But still, knowing that Robert is following me around and watching me that closely – it scares me. Everything that happened the other night – the letter and then his phone call – has rattled me more than I wanted to admit to myself.
Clearly, Aaron has picked up on it, given his pressing me to tell him what's wrong with me. I really don't want to discuss something so personally embarrassing as that, though. Everything that happened with Robert was one of the biggest regrets of my life. That I didn't have the courage or the strength to leave him the first time he laid hands on me is one of my life's biggest failings as far as I'm concerned.
Even worse than that, the fact that I didn't value myself enough to know I deserved better than what Robert was giving me and just accepted it, is something that will stain my heart and soul forever.
Of course, I've managed to come back from those dark depths. It’s been slow, but I’ve been able to pull myself back together again – better and stronger than before, as far as I'm concerned. For the first time in a really long time, I feel whole again. I feel comfortable in my own skin once more.
And for the first time in forever, I feel that spark within me. I feel that longing for companionship. I hunger for it. But what’s really troubling me is I don’t know whether that hunger existed before falling back into Aaron's orbit – or if he's the reason for it.
Which is why I feel like going to Portland with him is such a bad idea. I don't have control of my thoughts or my emotions, which means I won’t have control of the situation. I potentially won't even have control of myself – and that's something I pride myself on. That stubborn, iron-fisted control of myself is what's gotten me through the really difficult times I've endured. But I don't know if I'll be able to maintain that grip when I feel so out of control in my own mind.
But then I look at Robert's letter again and know that I should go. I have to. I know that getting out of here, if only for a couple of days, will be a good thing. Putting some distance between Robert and I can only help me reassert control over myself – at least, in that small area. Getting out of here will allow me to think more clearly and get my head back on straight. I hope the distance and time away – not to mention not having to look over my shoulder constantly – will let me master the fear that's been gripping me since Robert left that letter under my door.
His goal is to terrorize me. It's to scare and intimidate me into coming back to him. He wants – no, he needs – that control over me that he's lost. He needs to reassert his dominance and force me to subjugate myself to him again. He desires all of the power I so stupidly gave over to him for so long – power I've taken back. And power I feel like I'm losing my grip on because I've been so scared lately.
Getting out of town will help me reassert that control. It will let me regain my grip on my own power and control the fear that's been my constant companion lately.
My only concern is that I'll be so focused on shoring up that part of my emotional dam that I'll let my control over another part slip and do something stupid with Aaron. The moment that thought passes through my mind, another voice speaks up from the darkness in the back of my head, whispering to me a question that I don't have an answer to –would it really be so bad?
There is so much going on in my head these days, I feel like I'm spinning out of control. It's a feeling I don't care for all that much, but it’s one I need to deal with. I just need to categorize and prioritize everything going on inside of me. Compartmentalize it all. Only then will I truly know how to deal with everything and proceed.
First things first, though. I’ll head to Portland to clear my head and deal with the fear Robert is causing to rise up within me – while at the same time, try to avoid doing something incredibly stupid with Aaron.
Yeah, this is going to be a real fun couple of days.
* * * * *
He presses his lips to mine, and I swear it feels like my heart is about to explode. The tip of his tongue pushes past my lips. When it touches my own, there's a burst of bright light behind my eyes and a tingle in parts of my body I've never felt before.
His hands are in my hair, gently pulling as our kiss deepens. A small moan passes my lips but is muffled against his mouth as he pulls me even closer to him. Our bodies are pressed together. I feel warmth in my stomach spreading as I trail my fingers down his chest, feeling every hard angle and plane of his torso.
I can't believe this is happening. It's unbelievable to me that this is my first kiss – my first anything, really. I mean, I've touched myself before – I've given myself plenty of orgasms. A girl has needs. But I've never done anything remotely sexual with a man.
And the fact that the first man to kiss me is Aaron Steel is mind-boggling to me.
