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Nick looks up at me, then turns to the two women and his smile fades, if only for a moment. If anything, he looks a little embarrassed by the attention – which is something that's also very new. Nick used to eat that shit up and ask for seconds. No attention from a woman was bad attention, in his view.
“Either a baby or a puppy. They're both like catnip,” he cracks.
He lays Phoenix down in the stroller next to the table and even though it's a pleasantly warm afternoon, he makes sure to cover her with a blanket. It's not long before she starts to doze off. That done, he takes another drink of his tea, then turns his attention back to me as the waitress comes by to clear our plates.
“Seriously,” he continues. “Abigail thinks you're too good of a man to spend your life alone and I agree. It's time you start looking for somebody.”
I laugh. “Thanks, Dad.”
“Don't you ever think about it? About having somebody to come home to at the end of a long day? Kids?”
I shrug. “Sure, from time to time.”
“Then why aren't you doing anything about it?”
“It's not like I'm not trying to do anything about it,” I shoot back.
“Bullshit. If you were trying, you'd be with somebody,” he says. “You're a good looking, successful man. You've got a good heart, Aaron. I know a dozen women who'd give their left arm to be with somebody like you – and that's just off the top of my head.”
“Well, maybe you should hook me up then since you're a matchmaking wizard.”
He chuckles. “Don't think I haven't thought about it. But I know you and I'm reasonably sure that you'd find some way to get out of anything I try to set up for you.”
“Think so, huh?”
“I pretty much know so, yeah,” he comments. “For whatever reason, you've just closed yourself off to the idea of love or something. You're totally –”
My laughter cuts him off. “Wow, I didn't know your doctorate was actually in psychology.”
He smiles but gives me the finger. “It doesn't take a shrink to see how closed off you are as a person, Aaron. That would sort of preclude the idea of you giving or accepting love. It's been that way since we were kids, man.”
More than any of the others, Nick's always been the one to tell me how it is without sugarcoating anything. He pulls no punches and isn't afraid to step on anybody's toes when he's giving his opinion on something. It's a character trait I appreciate about him. But it’s also one that makes me want to punch him in the nose sometimes.
No, I don't need anything candy-coated for me. I'm a big boy and I can take criticism – even harsh criticism. I try to learn something from every critique I get. And I know what he's saying is right on some levels. And I know it's coming from a good place.
But growing up like I did, with a father who harped on the practical and the logical, didn't exactly set me up to deal with emotions in a healthy way. It's true that I've never been in a relationship that I saw going the distance. Even though it's a passing fancy of mine now and then, deep down, I never really thought I'd have that kind of everlasting love.
And most days, I'm perfectly fine with it. Love and relationships – hell, emotions in general – are messy, chaotic things. Although my dad prepared me to handle a lot in life, he never really taught me to deal with things like emotions. He considered them superfluous and things better dealt with in a practical, logical fashion.
I swear to God, my mother was so different than he was when it came to emotions, I sometimes wonder how my parents ever got together in the first place. I guess the old saying about opposites attracting must be true. It's about the only explanation I can think of.
“I know your dad wasn't the hearts and flowers type, and it's kind of left you an emotional cripple,” Nick goes on.
“Gee, thanks.”
“Just calling it like I see it,” he says.
I run a hand through my hair. “Yeah, I know. I don't deal well with things that aren't rational – and emotions are anything but rational.”
“That's true. But, it's also what gives life some of its color and flair,” he states. “Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through and what you're feeling.”
“I seriously doubt that.”
He gives me a rueful grin. “Okay fine, maybe not exactly. But once upon a time, I was pretty closed off to the idea of ever being with somebody for the rest of my life too,” he continues. “Then Abigail came storming into my life and turned everything on its head. Now, everything seems different. Feels different. And do you know why that is?”
“I have a feeling you're going to tell me even if I don't want to hear it,” I crack.
“Damn right you are,” he fires back. “It's because I let myself be open to the idea of finding love. Of finding somebody I want to spend my life with. When I felt that initial pull for Abigail and those big, high walls I used to hide behind started to crumble, I could have very easily shut her out and built those walls back up higher and thicker than before. I didn't, though. I took a chance, and I'd say it's paid off pretty well for me.”
