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I startle at the sound of it and hold my hand to my chest. Tears unwillingly spring from my eyes, and it’s like Coen ripped part of my heart out when he left. I stand there, silently crying and wondering what the fuck I did wrong to deserve that from him.
Did he find out Simon and I have been going behind their back to do sketchy shit? And even if he did, why is he acting like that's any worse than coming home with a gunshot fucking wound and covered in blood? If he gets to act recklessly and do dangerous shit, why can't I? Because he's a man? Because he's been doing it longer? Because he gets paid to hurt people?
None of that is reason enough to disallow me from having a little fun.
Simon and I have never shared a kiss. Never once had sex like Coen fucking thinks we have. Is he questioning my loyalty because I’m with Dom and Magnus, too? He agreed he was okay with our arrangement, but now he thinks I’m slutting around with Simon because he’s fucking insecure and making wild assumptions?
I thought we were finally on solid ground, but little did I know our foundation is rockier than ever. I’ve tried to forgive him for the past, accepting that he never meant to hurt me the way he did, but when he acts like this, it makes me want to scream at him and remind him that he’s the one whofucking. Left. Me.
I had started to heal from that decade-old wound, but now, I'm torn open and bleeding as the sweet boy who stole my heart all those years ago walks out on me once again. Leaving me here wondering and aching for an explanation.
“Love,” Simon mutters and reaches for me.
I shake him off and wipe at my cheeks. “No.” I turn and bolt across the room and take the stairs two at a time to put as much distance as possible between me and anyone else. I cannot afford to show another ounce of myself in front of people who are capable of ripping me apart.
Dom has shut me out, leaving me in the dark alone.
Simon is only around out of obligation because he feels bad that I almost died.
Cora and I are separated by a wedge of secrecy I don’t know how to navigate. Not to mention how fucking embarrassing that whole interaction was. If she ever wondered how dysfunctional having three boyfriends was, she’s seen it first-hand now.
Not a single relationship in my life is healthy, and I’m not in a place where I can handle another sad stare or dismissive tone.
It's times like this when I wonder if things would have been better had I never met any of them. Then, at least, I wouldn't be this giant fucking burden in their life.
I close myself into my room, not bothering to turn the light on, and go straight into the bathroom where I slide down the wall and sit in the dark. I clench my fists, the desire to break open the flesh of my palms strong. I place my hands on my legs and dig my fingers into my thighs, the fabric from my jeans protecting my skin. I lean my head against the wall and exhale, the weight of my fingers not enough relief from this overwhelming feeling taking hold. I run my hands through my hair and tug it to provide a different kind of stimulation. Something, anything, to distract me from the hole in my chest.
A knock sounds on my bedroom door.
“Go away,” I call out to whoever it is and hope like hell it isn’t Cora. She’s the only one who doesn’t deserve to be shunned for the distance between us. That alone is my fault.
Maybe if I came clean I could repair the damage I’ve done to our relationship.
Whoever it was doesn't listen, instead, they open the door and enter anyway.
“June?” Dominic says in the dark of my room. “Where are you?”
“I need some space, Dom, please.” I sniffle and wipe at my nose.
He continues toward me, ignoring my request. “Oh, June.” Dom manages to find me through the darkness and lowers himself onto the cold tile floor in front of me. “Come here.” He reaches for me, but I pull away.
“I don’t want your pity, Dom. You ignore me every day, why can’t you do it when I actually want you to?” I don’t mean for the words to come out as harsh as they do.
“I don’t mean to…to ignore you. It’s just…” Dominic keeps his hand on my knee. “There are things going on that I can’t talk about.” He sighs. “Not yet.”
“Did you change your mind? Is that what it is?” I fight the tears that continue to roll down my cheeks.
“God, no.” Dominic grabs me and this time I don’t stop him, because as much as I can’t stand him, I need him more than I want him gone. He pulls me into his lap and kisses my forehead. “Never, June. Never will I not want you with every piece of me.”
I bury myself in his strong chest and let myself accept this fleeting closeness.
He moves my hair from my face. “My love for you has never faltered, I promise you that.”
“It feels like it,” I mumble into him.
“I’m sorry,” Dominic says. The weight of those two words so fucking heavy.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” I lean into him and listen to his thunderous heartbeat. “This isn’t what I signed up for.”
