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I squeeze her hand. “It matters to me, Alana. I don’t like you upset or being mad at me.”
“Last night, you never came, Ezra. You told me you would. I waited for you, and it made me feel like an idiot when you didn’t show up. I am not some desperate, pathetic woman who pines after a man, but last night, that’s how I felt. You insist you want to be with me, but if you really wanted to be, you would have found a way to get away from Bella last night.” I can see the tears build in her eyes, but she quickly wipes them away.
“Alana, I swear I tried everything. I couldn’t get rid of her, and she ended up drunk. I didn’t want to just leave her. I am sorry I made you feel like that. It wasn’t my intention. I don’t know what to do or say to make you believe I only want you and no one else.” My voice is strained out of guilt for leaving her alone last night.
“Yes, you do, Ezra. One thing can make all of this better, but you aren’t ready to do it. You say you can’t do it, not right now,” she whispers.
I don’t need to ask what she means because I know she’s referring to me ending things with Bella.
“We have been through this more than once. I have my family to consider, their reputation, business interests, and mine. If I do this the wrong way, Bella could take my entire family down in one go. Her family are more powerful than mine. She could ruin everything we have worked for. Not only that, but she could also take you down too, Alana. Bella has a way of getting what she wants, and if she wants to find something on you or find something she could ruin you with, she will.”
I am trying my darn hardest not to become agitated again, but Alana and I have discussed all of this before.
“I am not scared of that bitch. I have already lost everything, anyway. There is nothing for her to find on me, so don’t worry about me. I understand, I really do about protecting your family, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be. What if Bella finds out before you even end things? Don’t you think it would make things worse?” She sighs, going over to sit on the bed again.
I follow, getting to my knees in front of her. She is looking at the ground. I rest my hand on her chin, tilting her head up so she is looking at me.
“I always worry about you, angel, because after everything you have been through, all I want to do is protect you. Please, beautiful, I just need a little more time, okay? I promise after that we will be together. We don’t need to hide. We can start our life together, but you need to hold on,” I plead with her because a part of me is terrified if I keep telling her to wait, she will give up and disappear.
Alana’s eyes search mine. She leans forward and extends her hand to stroke my cheek. “Don’t make me wait too long because I can’t keep being your dirty little secret, Ezra.”
“You aren’t my dirty little secret, Alana. You are way more than that,” I insist, kissing her softly.
“Maybe not, but sometimes it is what I feel like.”
Alana pulls away, crawls up on the bed and slips under the covers. She turns her back to me, curling up.
I sigh, kicking my shoes off, I climb in behind her, slipping my arm around her I nuzzle her neck.
“Alana, sweetheart, please don’t be sad. It hurts me to see you sad. I know this isn’t easy, especially for you, but I need you to believe you are all I want and need. It is just going to take a little time. I don’t have any feelings for Bella anymore, and I haven’t for a while. Any feelings I have are for you and only you.” I stroke the small of her back.
Alana slowly turns to face me. “I’m sorry, Ezra. I don’t mean to come across as some pathetic, jealous, crazy girlfriend. I just hate the fact that we need to hide and act like we don’t even know one another. I am scared you will change your mind, and I will lose you. I can’t lose anything else.” She sobs.
I reach my hand to her face to wipe her tears away. “You won’t lose me. I swear. You are stuck with me now, bright eyes. I know you have lost a lot, and I have too, but you said it yourself, we need each other. It is you and me. Nothing will change that.” I mean every single word from the bottom of my heart.
“Yes, we do. I just wish things weren’t so complicated, you know?” She sighs, burying her face in my chest.
I caress her hair. “I wish that too, beautiful, but it will be worth it when everything is how we want it to be.” I kiss the top of her head, and she snuggles in tighter to me.
I think I need to come up with a plan ASAP to end things with Bella. I know until I do that Alana will worry and feel like second best, even if it isn’t the case. I would feel the same way if she was with someone else.
I wakefrom a sleep I didn’t realize I had. I’m fully clothed and with a stiff neck. What the hell?
“Welcome back, sleeping beauty.” Ezra’s voice makes me look up.
I now notice my head is on his stomach. He is sitting up with his back against the wall and a smile on his lips.
“When did I fall asleep? The last thing I remember is our talk,” I ask, confused.
“About an hour ago. You crashed without warning. It could have been the effect of the sauna,” he suggests.
I sit up, rubbing my neck to try to get the kink out of it. “Maybe. Have you been in the same spot the entire time?” Surely not, because it can’t be comfortable.
He smiles. “Yes. I didn’t want to move and wake you.” He leans in to kiss me softly.
I return a bright smile. “You didn’t have to do that, babe. You could have moved. Thank you, it was very sweet of you.”
Ezra strokes my hair away from my face. “How are you doing, sweetheart?”
