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The sun is done rising by the time we let go of each other. I wrap my arms around my knees and lay my head down, while looking to the side at Asher.
He’s so sad too and it breaks my heart all over again.
“Why, Ash? Why him?”
“I don’t know, Mads. I wish I knew.”
“It hurts so bad.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I can do this.”
Asher looks at me as tears spill down his cheeks. It's the first time I’ve ever really seen him cry. “You have to.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
“But I do. I don’t want to live life without him. I’d rather be dead.”
“Don’t say that, Mads.”
“Why not?” I explode, my arms flying into the air. “I think about life without him and it’s nothing but pain. I want the pain gone. I want to be with him again.”
Asher takes one of my hands in his and squeezes hard. “Please, Mads. Please. Promise me you’ll stay.”
I cry so hard, my whole body shakes.
“Because if you left too, then so would I.”
I throw myself into his arms and we fall onto our backs together and cry some more.
Who knows how long we stay there together, but when Asher pulls me to my feet, I feel lighter. Like I’m ready to run.
“Thank you.” I say.
“Don’t thank me, Mads.”
“But you know when to give me space, and you show up here knowing I’d be alone, knowing I’d fight the company but really need it.”
Asher shrugs. “Are you still going to run?”
I love how he ignores everything I’ve said, unwilling to accept any gratitude. Because to him, it’s just him doing what he does. He knows me, he knows how I work. And somehow he seems to know how I might grieve, too.
I nod. “I need to clear my head.”
Asher nods. “You won’t even know I’m here.”
I give him a strange look. “You’re gonna run with me?”
“Yeah. Is that okay?”
“Yes, but you don’t run. Are you sure?”
Asher cracks a small smile. “You’d be surprised what I can do.”
And he’s right. I am surprised. Because he keeps on pace with me for the entire two miles. Usually I run three or four but I didn’t want to push him too far.
