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“I feel like it’s all my fault.” Madison says and I sit up straighter.
“What are you talking about?” Cindy says.
“I don’t know. I was with him all day. Why didn’t I stay with him longer? Why didn’t I check to make sure he came straight home?” Her cries grow louder.
“Sweetie, you can’t blame yourself for any of that. You can’t.” Cindy rubs her back.
My heart breaks. I open my mouth to say something but when I find John’s sad eyes on me, I close it again.
What can I say?
That I feel the same way?
That I just figured he was staying at Sienna’s like he sometimes does and didn’t think anything of it when I crawled into bed early, exhausted from a long day of work?
There’s so many what ifs.
“We could ask ourselves the same thing. I think about why I didn’t call him that day, or any other day, only an occasional text here and there. You really do think you have all the time in the world. Until something like this happens.” John’s voice catches on the last word.
My heart breaks again. How many times can it break?
This is all shitty. All so fucking shitty.
I ball my hands into fists and grind them into my thighs. I want to break the window, shatter the glass and watch it all crumble.
But I bottle it all up inside. I can take care of that later. For now, I need to be strong for Madison and their family.
When we arrive at the hall, it’s already full of people as more and more file in. It’s amazing seeing how many people come out for Mason. He touched a lot of lives with his kind, warm personality. Plus, the support of the community is admirable.
A warm hand finds mine and her soft whisper brushes against my cheek. “Can you please get me out of here?”
We haven’t been here more than two minutes but she doesn’t have to ask me twice. This is the last place I want to be, too.
I drop her hand so as to not raise too many eyebrows and place my hand on the small of her back. I lead her over to the table where our friends sit. So far, it’s only Chloe and Tyler. “Guys, cover for us.”
I don’t need to say another thing. Tyler nods. Chloe opens her mouth to say something but Tyler nudges her arm. “Go.” He says.
I ignore the looks of people as Madison and I walk outside. The cool night air hits my face as soon as we step through the doors. It’s salty, the shoreline not far from here. Exactly where I’m headed.
Madison knows our hometown as well as I do and she finds relief at the beach, just like I do. Just like Mason did.
Just like we always did.
This beach is fenced off and I look up and down to find an entrance but there isn’t one in sight. It’s not a beach we used to come to often, only open certain days and times, but it’s still beautiful.
“We can sit here.” Madison says before taking a seat on the bench a few feet away. I sit beside her and we stare ahead in silence.
Minutes pass, but it doesn’t matter. Everyone’s probably wondering where we are, but it doesn’t matter either.
Nothing seems to matter anymore.
If I could choose two things to spend the rest of my time with until I see my best friend again, they would be his beautiful sister and the shoreline.
“It hurts worse knowing it’s my fault.” Madison whispers, her hair blowing in the wind behind her.
“It’s not your fault, Mads. It’s not any of our faults.”
“You might think differently after hearing what I’m about to tell you.”
