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Without thinking, I pull them down and let them drop.
“You’re clean, right? I’m on birth control.”
“Yeah,” Asher grunts as his hands slide under my ass and he lifts me up.
And then he fucks me against the wall.
Quick, hard thrusts. My nails dig into his back and he growls in response.
It was over as fast as it began.
Like it meant nothing.
* * *
When it’s over, neither of us say anything. I quickly dress, on the verge of tears and not wanting Asher to see.
He sits on the bed and hangs his head.
I don’t even say goodbye before I’m running out the door and down to my car.
“Madison! Wait!” I hear Asher call but I don’t stop. Tears are coming fast now and I hurry into my car.
When I look up, I see him standing in the doorway of his room, his shoulders slumped forward and deep frown stretched across his face. He looks so sad.
But at this moment, I don’t care.
I start my car, throw it into reverse, and hightail it out of there.
It’s after midnight when I pull into our favorite spot.
The last thing I wanted to do was go home. So I drove to the only place I hoped would make me feel better. When I get there, I park the car and sit without moving.
Tears freely flowing off my numb lifeless face.
Hours go by when finally the sun begins to rise and peak over the shoreline. The beach is empty and peaceful, and the only sound from the crashing waves.
I decide to get out and walk along the shore. I slip my shoes off and walk onto the beach. Sand squishes in between my toes and cold ocean water dances over the top of my skin.
When I grow tired of walking, I sit down in the sand, but not even our favorite spot can make me feel any better. Ididn't think my situation could get any worse but boy was I wrong.
I had sex with the one boy my brother didn’t approve of. The one boy he didn’t want me with. His best friend.
Mason was against everything Asher and I, so much so that he wouldn’t even contemplate something happening between us nevermind being okay with it. And now he’s not even gone a couple of months and I’m already doing exactly what he wouldn’t want me to do.
I’m the worst fucking sister ever.
How the hell did any of this even happen?
Why did Asher go right to sex and why did I let him?
I went there because I was so angry at him. But I can’t stay angry with him because it’s not really his fault.. How were we supposed to know that Mason was in trouble? The pain on his face when I told him what really happened was devastating and I could see right then and there that he truly didn’t think anything of it. If he thought in that moment for one second that Mason would’ve been down there and needed rescuing, he would’ve been there one hundred percent.
There were so many emotions between us, so much pain, so much anger, so much sadness, and when he started kissing me, I was no longer thinking rationally.
My mind went blank.
Everything is so messed up. More messed up than before. We were supposed to help each other grieve. But right now I feel like I need space. Because if I just keep on putting myself in positions where I’m close to Asher, I know I won’t be able to resist him. Shit like this, shit that can’t happen, that isn’t supposed to happen, will. And that’s not fair to either of us.
