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Birgitta listened to the sound of his head brushing against the pillow and smiled. She turned around to look at him, to stroke her hands through his curly black hair.
“Hm?” He asked, barely able to open his eyes.
“My friends are meeting for fika,” Birgitta said to him softly.
Malik nodded and snuggled down between the sheets, closing his eyes. Birgitta kept her hand in his hair, massaging him gently. As she looked at him, she felt a warmth spread through her stomach.
He was so beautiful and so wonderful. The amount of light and life he’d brought into her life was unbelievable. Sure, he was dominant and acted strange to Swedish standards . . . but wasn’t that what Birgitta had always been: foreign, even in her own country?
Malik quickly dozed back to sleep. His smooth, young skin glistened in the dim sunlight coming through the windows. Birgitta slipped her hand out of his hair and stood up from the bed, still holding her phone in the other hand.
She turned it over and over, trying to think of a reason not to go. Staying in bed with Malik was a big plus. Birgitta moved to the window, gazing out at the world below. Frost coated the grass and the trees, telling her it was cold outside. The warmth was another reason not to go.
One big, glaring reason to go and see her friends was knowing what they really thought of her. Once and for all, she would know if they were true to her or not. If they treated her with disgust as soon as she walked in, she would know.
Birgitta didn’t want to be treated that way, nor did she want to go through the pain of having her friends shun her, but she knew she had to. It was something that had been hanging out in her mind while everything else had started to fall apart. She needed to know for sure, even if it would hurt.
The choice had been made, and now all she needed to do was dress for the occasion. She could dress modestly to try and keep her friends a little placid, something dark and conservative that wouldn’t stir up emotions.
That doesn’t sound like me, Birgitta thought.
She opened her small closet doors and peered inside. All of the bright fabrics she knew and loved smiled at her, enticing her to wear them. Of course, she was going to have to really think about what she wanted to wear.
She needed something that showed her friends—the whole world around her, too—that she was truly happy. How could she say that with the things she wore?
Her hands dived into the closet, touching the fabrics and pulling out different outfits. An old pair of leather pants were at one end of the closet, but they were so dark and dreary. Birgitta wanted something bright, loud, something that shouted at everyone she passed on the street.
There was only one option for her out of all the clothes in front of her. A bright green dress, so tight she would have trouble breathing. She’d only worn it a couple of times at classy events and knew it was way too loud for everyday wear.
Yes, Birgitta thought gleefully as she pulled it out of the closet and held it at arm’s length.Yes, this is it.
She put the dress against her body and looked at herself in the mirror. As the sunlight hit the fabric, it turned a dark shade of yellow. Birgitta twisted and turned her body, letting the light drift over the dress.
There was no question about it, this was the dress she was going to wear. It didn’t take her long to slip into it. Birgitta stared at herself in the mirror as she turned her body from side to side. The fabric was looser than she remembered. When she’d previously worn it, she could barely breathe. The fabric clung to her ribcage, constricting her now.
Birgitta inspected her body, unable to believe she’d lost weight. She ran her hands over her flat stomach and frowned. Her body looked the same. Birgitta knew it didn’t matter, in any case. She had a young, vibrant man who couldn’t get enough of her body.
It didn’t take her long to get ready, hastily putting a thick layer of make-up on her face before flat ironing her hair and rushing out the front door. She was already running late, as usual, and she couldn’t afford to miss them.
The drive there was dull with endless trees passing by her windows. She ignored everything but the road in front of her, stretching and winding through the landscape. By the time she got into the city, she was half-asleep. Staring at the road for so long had put her in a trance—a trance that needed coffee to be banished.
There was nothing else for her to do but stride up to the cafe with her head held high. She was wearing a short black coat that stopped just above her hips, and a matching black pair of heels that were thin and strappy.
As she walked down the center of town, she could see everyone staring at her. She didn’t hold back her grin as she continued to walk down the sidewalk like she was on a catwalk. In Birgitta’s opinion, there was nothing better than having all eyes on her. Being the center of attention made her feel so much more confident. It was a great feeling knowing that all the men around lusted after her, and all the women were insanely jealous.
As usual, the inside of the cafe was boiling hot. Birgitta had to strip off her coat, revealing her bright green dress to everyone inside. Heads turned. Eyes gawked. Mouths dropped open. Birgitta grinned and searched the room for her friends.
Their usual table was taken up by two old ladies with gray hair and gray eyes. They looked to Birgitta in disapproval, their withered mouths pursed and their hands poised on their laps.
Birgitta rolled her eyes and continued her search. Finally, she found the group sitting on the other side of the cafe. All of them had their eyes averted, unlike everyone else in the cafe.
The smile on her lips faltered as she looked at herfriends. They didn’t wave to her, or at all signal that they were there. They looked everywhere but Birgitta’s direction, praying to every god imaginable that she wouldn’t see them.
They weren’t getting out of it that easy. She walked up to the table, her high heels loudlyclippingagainst the wood floor. The cafe was so silent that she could hear the sound echoing off the walls.
For the first time in her life, she wished the eyes would stop staring. Usually, she could handle whatever the world could throw at her, but not this. Everyone was watching while her friends ignored her presence.
“Hey girls,” Birgitta said, trying to sound upbeat and perky.
