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More importantly, who was I?
Was I anything or anyone?
Was I apart of the darkness?
My mind faded away.
~ RYDER~
Meditation – the state of mind in which individuals aim for equilibrium and peace.
I needed peace or a moment of absolute silence. Anything to block the multiple sounds, emotions, and torments fighting for entry within me.
I needed to escape – centre myself and understand that this would pass.I will survive this.
Yet, my emotions began to crawl into the depths of the darkness, slithering against the barrier that encased my mind.
I knew their intentions: to shatter the mental barricade I created for myself.
All I wanted was a break. A moment to enjoy the blissful silence surrounding me.
With silence, tranquility emerged. I didn’t need to concern myself with anyone’s feelings or concerns.
I could drop the facade I portrayed every day; the image everyone else saw when I walked down the castle halls.
I was the leader – my purpose had been to inspire and lead my fellow knights towards the undetermined future as we strived to find our goal; our princess...my beloved Rosalina.
Now, she was called Makoto Heart, the woman of my life. I wasn’t the only one she’d impacted; her feisty, humorous personality brought a sense of fresh air to my group of knights: my true family.
Within two rotations, she’d inspired us to become better knights.
Not only did I crave to hear her laugh, but to see those gorgeous turquoise jewels glimmering with happiness as her luscious plump red lips smiled brilliantly, but I craved to taste her, to feel her body against mine.
Her warmth soothed me and the pain that cradled my heart. She accepted my flaws and unworthiness – her appointed star knight whose mission was to serve and protect her from harm’s way.
Yet, I failed, again. My immature, nine-cycle-old self had ignored the signs back then. It was no different now; my older self unable to see the signs before she was taken from me, once more.Would I be able to prove myself once again?
“Ryder.”
No, I didn’t want to go yet. I needed more time in solitude. The darkness was calming and allowed me to ignore the multiple responsibilities and tasks before me.
I didn’t want to face reality, afraid to succumb to my own feelings and heartache.
I wanted my Firefly back.
I wanted to hear her call my name again, to whisper words in my ear as she kissed my neck, cuddling against my bare chest.
I could still imagine the feel of her breasts pressed against me; the thin fabric of her bra unable to hide the feel of her hardened nipples as she lay on top of me. The way she would bite the side of her lip as her eyes gazed up to smile softly at me.
I craved her in all aspects. Even now with my mind surrounded by darkness, I yearned for my Mako...for our Firefly...I missed her.Can I not grieve in peace?
“Ryder...please. I need you, too.”
Stryker– my demon spirit.
I could feel the barrier begin to crack; the glass-like surface breaking as the cracks grew longer and spread across the glass. It was a spider web, spreading to the point where one slight impact would shatter it completely – the emotions taking advantage of its vulnerable state.
Stryker’s feelings were the strongest, such levels of anger and desperation distracting as I tried to function in our current predicament.
