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Graham moved the strands away and tucked them behind my ear. The touch sent another layer of goosebumps over the ones I already had.
“Or we could’ve stayed in the city,” he said. “Together.”
“That wouldn’t have stopped the war.”
“Is it really about the war?” he asked softly. “If so, you could’ve given me a chance to make the alliance. A real chance, I mean.”
I swallowed, too cowardly to speak.
“But that wasn’t what you wanted, was it?” he asked.
My voice was as weak as a plea. “It was never about what I wanted.”
“You told me once to do what I want. Why won’tyou?”
I looked away, into the fire. A piece of firewood crumbled and cracked apart, shooting embers into the air.
I hadn’t noticed the hair that had fallen in my face again until Graham reached over and swept it around my back. His hand stayed there, too close to my nervous pulse. His lips brushed against my forehead.
I closed my eyes and ached for more.
His hand moved up my neck and his fingers slid under my hair. But then he stopped, hesitating.
I was afraid nothing would happen if I waited—that he’d leave and never touch me again. I’d miss my last chance. I fought the pain of my wound and leaned toward him. When I put my hand on his face, the rough texture of his cheek reminded me how much he’d changed. I closed my eyes and leaned even closer. He should have pushed me away. He shouldn’t have let me kiss him. And he especially shouldn’t have kissed me back.
But he did. And he held nothing back.
The sweetness and passion of his kiss nearly tricked me into believing nothing was wrong. I tried to make it last, but, like everything else between us, it ended too soon.
He pulled away with a sign, his lips grazing mine one final time before he turned toward the fire.
I stayed back, in the dark and cold. “I get the feeling that won’t happen again.”
He didn’t look at me. “Maybe if we were different people.”
He was right, but that didn’t stop the sting of his words from piercing me deeper than the pain in my side.
* * *
My nightmareshardly let me rest. From the moment I closed my eyes, I was assaulted with one impossible decision after another. Every dilemma led me to the same place, to the same choice. I wanted to wake, but my mind wouldn’t let me. Intense cold and heat surrounded me at the same time, and both were unbearable. I tried to scream, to break through my cage, but it sounded only in my head.
In my agony, I felt something real. I finally peeled my eyes open.
Graham’s hand touched my forehead. “You’re feverish.”
I tried to deny it, but my voice didn’t work.
“Time to find help.”
“No.” I found my voice and moaned. “No, just stay. Please stay.”
I closed my eyes, only to see my nightmares resume. Something lifted me. The pain in my side forced out a cry.
“It’s okay,” he said.
I tried to fight his arms. I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t let him.
“Put me down,” I said. “Leave me here. We can’t go.”
