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With a sigh that made me want to press the back of my hand against his forehead to see if he was about to drop dead, Lukin sagged against the rack of free weights. “They’re sending me back down, aren’t they?”
I worded my non-answer carefully. “What makes yousay that?”
“Coach was acting weird. He sat me down and gave me a talk. Said if I wanted to succeed in this league, I have to stop fighting with you and everyone and spend more time practicing and working on myrebounds.”
“Yeah, your rebounds do kinda suck.” I kept my tone light so he knew I was joking, reverting to chirping when I didn’t know what to say.
Lukin hummed and toedthe floor.
Admittedly, Lukin was an attractive guy. However, his usual demeanor made it hard to see his handsome Russian features. Now, with his soft eyes and shy stance, he seemed almost cute. Almost.
“They’re keeping you on, right? I would. You have better numbersthan me.”
For once in my life, I kept quiet.
His gaze went hazy as if looking out somewhere far, or looking in, before it snapped back to me. I almost took a step back. A determination had filled him, and I was suddenly looking at the immovable wall that was a professional hockey goaltender.
“I want to stay in the NHL. This is what I’ve been working for my whole life, but I got sidetracked. I got distracted, and I stopped working. I thought I had already made it. Thought I could take it easy since I was called up. But it’s harder than ever. I need to stop going out and cut back on the drinking and the partying. I can’t afford to be distracted. Not when taking my eye off the puck for even a second will let it slip through my five-hole.”
He may as well have hit me over the head with a two-by-four. “Wow. Coach pulled your head out ofyour ass.”
I barely realized I slipped back into English. Not when my mind was suddenly in the stratosphere. It was like the world was opening in front of me. The answer that I had spent all morning searching for, working my body to the point of exhaustion to try to find some clarity, was startling clear. It had always been. I had just been avoiding it, but I couldn’t anymore.
Lukin was talking, his face lightening up as he went on. I tuned back in.
“…So, do you mind if I join you? Maybe we can go over some drills on the ice later?”
I absent-mindedly gathered my things, moving toward to door. “I would love to, Lukin, but I have to go do something first. I’llbe back.”
Without another word to a confused Lukin, I was outthe door.
I’m going to do this and get it over with. I’m not going to hesitate or doubt myself or change my mind. Then I’m going to be free to focus ontraining.
I stood on the brake, and my car came to a screeching halt in front ofmy house.
“Shit,” I screamed at my steering wheel. I punched it for good measure then threw my car into park. I practically dove out of the door, desperate for air.
The sharp March air stung my nostrils and stabbed at my brain. The dried sweat soaking my muscle tank froze against me. I hadn’t bothered to change out of my workout gear or take a shower. I’d just grabbed my backpack and keys andtook off.
All at once, the thing I was rushing to get done was right in front of me. My chest heaved.
I wanted to pace. I wanted a tennis ball to throwat a wall.
Instead, I walked to Sebastian’s house, the weight of my decision crushing me further with every step. The cool afternoon air steadily lost its refreshing feel until my face was left feeling raw. I forced myself to keepon going.
Both too quickly and way too soon, I found myself standing outside of Sebastian’s house. The short walk hadn’t calmed me any, but I refused to fuck about on the sidewalk. I had made up my mind. I shoved steel into my spine and went right up to his door. With a shaky hand, I reached for the handle, found it unlocked, and stepped inside.
The wind picked up the door and slammed it closed behind me. I couldn’t hold backmy flinch.
“That you, Riles?” came Sebastian’s voice. It sounded like he was in the living room.
“Y-yeah.”
“I was hoping you would come by. I’m over here. I’m watching game footage if you want to join. Also, to prove how awesome a boyfriend I would be, I got you apresent.”
My stomach twisted as I shuffled farther into the house and found him lounging onhis couch.
He was in his comfy Blizzard-branded sweats, a water bottle wedged between his thighs and munching on something covered in chocolate. I moved around the edge of the couch and saw a pile of miniature Twix bars sitting on the coffee table. A tiny mountain of wrappers was growing on the couch next toSebastian.
