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“You were totally right. These are the best chocolate bars. I don’t know why I ever thought differently.”
My voice shattered into a million pieces, joining the broken shards inside my chest. “It’s the c-cookie. W-why would anyone choose a chocolate bar with a w-wafer when you could have a chocolate-and-caramel-covered cookie?”
He popped the last of the candy bar into his mouth and sat up to get his first proper look at me. The bright smile faded from his face like someone turned down his dimmer. “You okay, Riles?”
I sat down on the end of the couch, keeping two cushion lengths between us, and looked at him. “My parentsare dead.”
He blinked and sat up fully, giving me his undividedattention.
I didn’t necessarily want to share this next part with him. The only people I talked to about this were Drew, Mason, and my parents’ headstone. But Sebastian deserved an explanation.
I drew ina breath.
“I’ve never told you how they died, have I?”
“No.” His voice was soft, his eyessearching.
“It was a plane crash. They worked at the same law firm and sometimes on the same cases. It wasn’t super common, but occasionally they would have to leave town for work. That week they had been in Chicago to help seal the deal on some merger. They should have stayed another day, but the second the signatures were dry, they were on their firm’s private plane headed back home.” I breathed out a huge stream of air, holding back the tears trying to escape. “They wanted to make it back in time for my first high school championship game.”
His face melted into sympathy, and he scooted toward me. “Riley.”
I held up a hand and continued before he could, already guessing what he was going to say. “I don’t blame myself, and I don’t blame hockey. At least, not anymore. It was just a shitty thing that happened. It took me years of therapy to understand that, but I’m in a good place now. I’ve accepted it.”
“But you still miss them.”
I sniffled. “With everything that I have.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
Jesus. I didn’t think that I could hurt more while talking about this subject, but knowing what was comingwas agony.
“The thing is, I was on the phone with them right before they boarded. They were really excited for my game. It was kind of rare, and I was so stoked to have themwatching.”
“I thought they loved hockey?”
“They did, but they were both lawyers. They didn’t always have the time to come to all my games, but they were going to make it to this one. It was the beginning of my career. I was only fifteen, but I already knew I was serious about hockey. I was ready to get into juniors’ hockey the next year. My mother and father had stayed up with me for weeks curating a list of teams and organizations. They even made preemptive spreadsheets on all the coaches so they were prepared if anyone refused me because of my gender. I was determined to go all the way in this sport, and my parents knew I could do it. It was all they wanted for me. And I did it. I made it tothe NHL.”
A weird look flashed over Sebastian’s face. “I’m sure that’s not all they wantedfor you.”
“I told you how intense they were about my career. They were basically my agents since I decided I wanted to be in the NHL. Hell, after they died, I found whole files about my games and coaches and my future career projections. They practically made it their life’s mission to get me to the big show. And it’s my mission too—one that’s not over just because I got here. I also have to stay here. I need to focus on my job, Sebastian. I can’t have any distractions.”
“Okayyyy.” He drew out the word. “What are you saying, Riley?”
Just do it, Warren. Rip off theband-aid.
“We can’t do thisanymore.”
His face turned to stone, gears spinning behind his eyes. “Whathappened?”
“What?”
“Something must have happened. Yesterday, you were so close to giving this a try. I know I messed up with Glass, but it won’t happen again.” He slid to the edge of the couch. “Just tell me what happened to trigger this, and I’ll fix it.”
“No,” I yelped and shot offthe couch.
If he came to me, if he touched me, I wasn’t sure if I could keep my resolve, and I had to. I had to do this.
“Nothing happened. I’m just choosing my career. You should understand that. Hockey is my priority. I’m finally on the ice, and I can’t risk losing that. Not evenfor you.”
