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At this point, I’m considering just asking him to let me move in. Most of my clothes are there anyway and I haven’t been back to my apartment in days.
I know it’s fast, but I want to do it. I’ve lived thirty years of my life without him. I don’t want to spend another day away from him.
I’m about to bring this up, to just invite myself into his life when we step around the corner and I see Emery and August lingering outside of the front door.
Shit, I hadn’t meant for them to cometoday. But then again, I’m not surprised. It seems as if Emery often gets mixed up. He must not have read my text message that carefully.
“Lexie,” Emery says, pushing off the wall and pulling him into a smothering hug.
“Oh, fuck off, Eminem,” Lex grumbles, but still wraps his arms around his best friend and buries his head in his neck.
For a moment, I bristle, but I let it go because he needs it, this friendship. I never had many friends, but the ones I’ve had meant a great deal to me.
I can only imagine what Emery is to Lex.
“Oh, do not take that tone with me. But I get why you’re more rude than normal. I’m so sorry, Lex. William told us what happened.”
Lex peeks over at me, his cheek resting on Emery’s shoulder and his eyes soften. “Of course he did. He’s a meddler. He learned that from…”
His voice cracks and he bites down on his bottom lip.
Fuck.
I can’t stand seeing him cry again.
“Okay, now is the time to give him the food, August,” Emery says. “Before he starts bawling. Because if he starts, I’ll start. It will just turn into the great flood.”
August holds out a dish covered in tin foil and we all eye it warily.
Lex pulls away from Emery and then raises an eyebrow at him.
“What did you do, Eminem?”
“I made you a casserole. I saw this in a movie. This is what people do, I think. I don’t even know what the fuck a casserole is, so I improvised,” Emery explains with a smile. “It tastes mostly okay, although it could be that August was lying to me to save my feelings. He does that a lot.” He peers over at August and raises his eyebrows. “Were you lying to me?”
August stares at him, a small smirk on his handsome face. “I would never lie to you about something like this.”
“Oh, I think you would,” Emery mutters. “You never want to hurt me.”
“Never,” August replies.
“Well, whatever. Lies, truth, what does it matter? This casserole thingy is noodles and cheese and meat that is mixed together into something unidentifiable.” He pauses and slaps a hand on his forehead. “Oh shit, you don’t eat meat, do you, Lex? Fuck. Well, whatever. It’s the thought that counts. Anyways, I think I may have forgotten an ingredient, but that’s par for the course. Don’t expect much from me, guys. I’m a mess. I did want to add Skittles to the mix because it really cannot get any worse and Skittles makes everything taste better, but August stopped me. He said, ‘under no circumstances will you add that, Em’ and it got me all hot and bothered. I love it when he uses his stern teacher voice on me. Makes me super horny.”
My god, the rambling. I just stare at him, perplexed. And for a moment, I can feel the sadness recede because this is all so ridiculous.
Lex grabs onto the glass dish and stares at it, blinking rapidly.
I don’t even know what to say. All I know is I don’t want Lex to start crying again.
“Come in,” I say loudly, wrapping an arm around him and unlocking the door. We step into the cool apartment and August and Emery follow right behind us.
As I put the casserole into the fridge, Lex sits down on the couch next to Emery, resting his head on his friend’s shoulder. I suddenly decide that I need more caffeine. It’s been a long ass day and even though my heart is already palpitating, my eyes feel heavy. I could lie down and sleep for the rest of the night.
Suddenly the thought to call my grandma pops into my head and I’m momentarily breathless. I realize I won’t be able to call her ever again. The voice I’d come to love is gone forever. I’ll never hear her say my name again, to tell me she loves me.
Fuck.
I lean against the counter and breathe deeply through my nose. My eyes sting as I watch the coffee spurt out of the machine and I will myself to keep it together.
