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Oh my god.
Oh my god.
“There’s been an accident. Landon…. He’s alive but, shit, it’s a mess. He…He needs you. He’s asking for you…”
I can’t breathe, I can’t think. I don’t even know how I make it the rest of the way to Santa Cruz, but by some miracle I do.
I stumble into the hospital and see Logan, his forehead a little bloody, his eye bruised from the impact of the airbag when his car hit the tree.
But when I swivel to look for Landon, my heart drops.
“Where is he?”
“He’s in surgery…. They’re trying to save his leg…” and my entire vision grows hazy because if he loses…oh my god. He loves running. Shit, his life will never be the same after this.
I sit in the seat nearest Logan. He stares at the carpet looking utterly broken, like a piece of him has fallen out of his chest and he can’t find it.
“I did this,” he mutters, running a shaky hand across his jaw. “It’s my fault. I did this.”
His mom holds onto him, resting her head on his shoulder. “It was an accident, sweetie…it wasn’t you.”
But I know, I just know Logan will blame himself. He will carry this with him for years.
Basil swipes at his eyes, holding onto my hand and explaining what happened as best he can. Landon and Logan had gone for a drive to grab some food. A deer had run in front of the car and Logan swerved to avoid hitting it, and hit the tree instead.
Landon’s leg was crushed by the dashboard and the doctors weren’t sure if they’d need to amputate.
I listen to it all, numbly, just wanting to see him. To be near him and feel his heart beating.
I get my wish hours later when the doctors finally let us in to see him. My heart stutters in my chest at the sight of him, bruised, broken, and hurting.
I ache. I would trade places with him in a heartbeat. I would take it all if I could.
His eyelids peel back groggily and he blinks at his mom, dad, and brother who are huddled in the room before they finally settle on me.
“Could they save it?” he croaks, and my dad shakes his head sadly.
Tears leak from his eyes, his chest moving in heaving sobs, and Logan leaves the room, his cries echoing around us.
I can’t stand to be separated from him a second longer. I move toward him, crawling in next to him, needing to just hold him.
“They took my leg,” he says, looking at me, his eyes wet with tears.
“Yes,” I say, cradling him. “It’s gonna be okay. You’re okay.”
“What am I going to do, Finn?”
“Everything. The same things you’ve always done. Just a little differently now.”
He sniffles and rubs at his face. “But who will want me like this? Who’s going to want someone so broken?” Landon whispers, his entire body trembling.
“Me, Landon. I will. Always,” I whisper, pressing my lips to his temple, inhaling him. God, even now he smells like home.
My home.
I just hold him, not leaving his side.
I spend the next few months by his side; every minute I can be away from school I’m with Landon. Because Logan can’t be there. No, he’s disappeared into his grief and guilt. It’s just me carrying Landon, soothing him, holding him when he cries out at night.
