Page 83 of Always Him

“Can I tell you a secret?”

I roll my lips between my teeth and nod. Shit, don’t give me the details. Please. I don’t want to know.

“It was…fuck I feel bad saying this, but it was kind of lame. I dunno, maybe because I didn’t know what I was doing. But it was just…meh.”

He shrugs like no big deal and I look away, feeling something ugly flare up inside of me.

Like hope.

Because I’d make it so good for him.

He would be begging. Crying for more.

But Landon isn’t interested in men. He isn’t interested in me. It would never happen in a million years.

I shake my head, dislodging those thoughts, and pull him into me.

He sighs, crawling between my legs and resting his head on my shoulder. He tilts his head back to look at me, our lips so impossibly close.

Fuck, I think about those lips, about that mouth. About every part of him.

I’ve done things in the privacy of our bathroom that would send me straight to hell. If he only knew the things I’ve imagined doing to him.

“I know you’re busy studying, but wanna watch a movie or something?” he asks, nuzzling his forehead against my jaw.

Hell, why does he do this to me? Every moment, every touch is torture. But like fuck I’m asking him to stop. I’d take this over nothing at all.

My arms tighten around him, and Landon lets out a small groan, the sound shooting straight to my dick. Doesn’t help that he wiggles against me, trying to get comfortable.

I shift back a little, trying to make sure he doesn’t feel the bulge in my shorts, but it’s impossible to hide with him moving against me.

“What is that?” Landon asks, pressing up against my hard cock. “Why’s your dick hard?”

My cheeks flame, but I keep my voice even. There is no way I’m ever telling him the truth. I’d rather die. I would never risk what we have. So, I’ll continue to suffer in silence because at this point I’ll take whatever I can get.

“Because you’re pressing against it. It’s a natural reaction,” I wheeze, biting my bottom lip.

Landon freezes a moment and then wiggles against it some more.

“It’s huge. You have a big dick, Finn,” he says and I huff out a nervous laugh. “How come I’ve never seen it? I feel like this is something friends would know about each other…”

I cannot even believe this is a conversation we’re having. But then again, I shouldn’t be surprised—this is Landon, after all.

“Because.”

“You know that is an unacceptable response. If mom heard you right now…” Landon snorts, sitting up and facing me. He has that look on his face, the one that usually means he’s going to blurt out something ridiculous…

“Let’s jack off.”

My mind sputters and shuts down. I have ceased living. Because what in the ever-loving fuck is he talking about? Am I dead for real? Have I died?

Landon shoves at my chest. “Why are you just blinking like a robot?

I blink some more, my brain flipping on as I reply, “Robots don’t blink.”

“Ugh, what is your deal? Come on, let’s do it. Together. Having sex was a bit of a letdown and I kind of wouldn’t mind getting off again. My dick is horny.”

He blinks at me, those sweet, sexy eyes, and I sigh. This is a terrible, awful, no-good idea and I’m going to do it anyways.

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