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“I think so. I’m starting to think I misunderstood where you were coming from.”
He shook his head as if he didn’t want to hear what I had to say. He had this vision of what happened back then, and he didn’t have room for anything else.
“You chose to leave.” My voice was flat as I scrambled to remember his expression when he’d asked me to marry him. I remember it feeling spontaneous, like he hadn’t thought about it ahead of time. There hadn’t been a ring, not that I needed one. I just needed him to include my family in whatever he was thinking.
Mark dropped his arms, one hand gripping his neck. “It pushed me over the edge I’d been teetering on my whole life. They thought they could control me and my choices, but they were wrong.”
“So, you enlisted because you were angry with your parents, and when I said I couldn’t leave with you, that was it,” I thought out loud.
“You didn’t say that.”
“Didn’t say what?” I asked absentmindedly while I put the trays of pastries in the oven. I needed to get a grip. This conversation felt huge, and I still needed to work. The shop was opening soon.
“You never said you couldn’t leave. I asked you to marry me, and you said no.” His voice was tight.
“Wasn’t it obvious?” I frowned. My mind had gone over that momentad nauseam,and it was always the same. There was no other option. I couldn’t move away, and he wouldn’t stay.
“What was obvious was that I wasn’t good enough for you. I was convenient to date in high school but not to plan a future with.”
“No, that wasn’t it.” Realization shot through me, hard and fast. He’d thought I’d rejected him. That I didn’t love him.
He spun and left the kitchen. I followed more slowly, my mind still trying to catch up with him.
I punched in the security code to the alarm because he stood by the door, clearly wanting to leave. It wouldn’t have been fair to hold him here against his will.
“Lock up,” Mark said as he unlocked the door and slipped through.
I wanted to go after him, but I needed some time to process what he’d said. He thought I’d rejected him when I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t able to move away from my family. I thought he’d understood that. That I didn’t need to spell it out for him.
We’d already talked about me living at home and commuting to college.
I made my way through the kitchen and into my office, sitting on the couch. I dropped my head into my hands. Why hadn’t I seen it before? We were so young and naïve. We didn’t understand each other, no matter how many nights we spoke about our dreams and our fears. When it mattered, we’d failed each other. Instead of explaining my reasoning, I assumed he knew I couldn’t leave my family. I’d thought he’d considered all those factors holding me back before he’d proposed. He hadn’t. He must have been so upset over his parents’ ultimatum, he assumed I’d come with him. That I’d follow him anywhere.
The sad part was I wanted to. I’d never felt happiness like I had in that initial moment when he dropped down to one knee. For a second, I forgot about my mother dying, my four sisters and my father needing me. I forgot that Ellie just told us the night before that she was pregnant and planned to keep the baby.
I was intricately tied to my family. I’d never walk away when they needed me. Any hope I had of going away to college had been dashed by Ellie’s confession. But I hadn’t explained that to Mark because as soon as I turned him down, his face had hardened.
I hadn’t recognized the man in front of me. But now, I knew he was already hurt by his father’s ultimatum, and he wasn’t thinking clearly. He was in fight-or-flight mode. When I said no, that chapter in his life was closed. Annapolis was already in his rearview, and then so was I.
Had he slept with Melanie because he was hurt? He’d said that he wasn’t good enough for me, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’d always been there for me, strong and steady. He was amazing with my family. I didn’t care if he went to college or worked for his dad, as long as I was included in his plans.
I felt hot and sweaty despite the air conditioning. I went to the bathroom and washed my face with cool water, then fixed my hair into a ponytail.
I wanted to go to him and explain everything. To tell him he was a good man. That I loved him. I wasn’t rejecting him or telling him he wasn’t good enough for me.
But I wasn’t sure what it would accomplish. We’d been over for a long time.
There’d been no one like him since. I’d always wondered if he wastheone.
I spent the rest of the day in a fog, going through the motions. I’d make the decision to talk to him, then talk myself out of it, telling myself it didn’t matter. What happened ten years ago was ancient history. Then I remembered the stricken look on his face when he walked out. I wasn’t sure what to do.
ChapterTwelve
MARK
Iasked you to marry me, and you said no.
Was the story I’d repeated in my head over the past ten years true? I’d clung to it, reacted to it, planned my life around it. Sophie and I were done, so I could—no,I had tomove on. Sophie didn’t want me. There was nothing left for me in Annapolis. Enlisting was my only option.
