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But my monsters were whispering into my earShe doesn’t deserve you. She’s in love with Brax.I guess that was my greatest fear. Not that she loved him, but that she loved him more than she loved me.
My nerves couldn’t be steadied. My fist smashed into the wall beside her, raising an uncontrolled cry from her. ‘Ferris!? Ferris, what’s happening?’ Her arms wrapped around my neck, moving her lips alongside my chin, in hopes of getting me to look at her.
Indeed,she was getting through to me, but not in the way she would have wanted. ‘I need to take my mind off everything. I need to stop the memories.’ And that’s all I ever craved for. To break free from the past and have a moment to breathe by myself without the burden I had always carried on my shoulders.
Maybe she was the right person to share that burden with. Or maybe I would destroy her in the process. All I knew was that I had to try.
‘Just come back to me. Be here with me, in this moment.’ She was striving to bring me back to herself, although she had no real idea what that even meant.
My hand drove to the back of her head, forcing her to look at me. I think I wanted her to see the real me and hate him the way that I do.
Selfish.
Traitor.
Pure villain.
My most defining qualities. And I had more: psycho, junkie, and emotionally unstable… the list could go on for fucking ever.
I was just sorry for her that I was going to put them all to use that night.
Raising her on my hips, I began pacing straight towards the balcony like a tin soldier on a mission that could stand no further delay.
The ravaging despair in her voice didn’t wait for too long to ask me for explanations, ‘What are you doing!?
However, I had the feeling she had known my plan for a while now.
‘I need this,’ I confirmed her thoughts as we were heading towards the ledge. ‘I’ve got you. All you have to do is trust me.’ Despite my rush for adrenaline, I would never let anything happen to her. But I did need to feel the chills of testing the line between life and death.
Her true panic only settled in when I placed her on the edge of the railing, ‘Ferris, stop it.’
I heard her, but was unable to listen to her pleas as the voices in my mind were much more determined than the ones that lie in my heart, ‘I can’t. I need this.’ I had to know if there was still hope for me, even if this attempt could push me even further from any kind of salvation.
My instincts were raw, almost animalistic, spiraling out of control within me with a power I never felt before. I needed to feel the warmth of her breasts — an urge that couldn’t be composed.
With eager moves, I ripped the upper part of her dress, unclasping her bra while swallowing the lump forming in my throat. It was like I couldn’t have her fast enough to satisfy my thirst. My mouth crashed on her silky nipples, playing my tongue over them like a fine violin concert. She felt so fragile between my lips, and that was turning me into an insatiable beast. My teeth were slowly biting into her flesh, waiting for her, for that specific moan of sinful ecstasy, breaking that line when pain becomes pleasure.
Despite the surge of uncomposed longing replacing all my other senses, the hand which I had on her back was made of steel. Insanity or not, she wasn’t going to move an inch without my permission, especially since she was almost floating hundreds of feet away above the ground below.
It must’ve been freezing outside. I couldn’t really tell, but every inch of flesh I was discovering beneath my fingers was goose-bumped cold. It didn’t make me stop. It only pushed me further, trying to bring her body to share the same flames I was already burning.
The sensations were so intense that despite the temperature, I felt something melting within me — the same way ice melts in the spring, so everything can come to life again.
‘I never felt something like this,’ I whispered, in hopes that she was sharing my emotions as she was becoming the only person that could get me to feel anything except pain and grief.
My lips couldn’t let go of hers, urging to receive everything that a kiss should mean. Lust. Giving. Passion.
The effects of my cravings were reflected below my waist. I wanted more, so I raised her dress high enough to have unlimited access to her panties. Those become history in a blink of an eye as I ripped them apart to find the warmth of her core.
Eager to own the entirety of her flesh that would give her pleasure, my fingers rushed to glide against her skin, over and over again with luscious moves, trying to ignite the same volcanic lava that flowed within me, searching for her fantasies and bringing them all to life.
It was either the cold or the fear of being so high above the ground that prevented her from joining me in my dream. ‘Don’t be like this,’ I breathed as I sensed her like a stone statue, unwilling to enjoy any part of that night.
My whispers didn’t seem to work. In fact, they were a complete failure.
‘If you want to ruin me, then take out that knife and do it already,’ she spat out the words like they were daggers meant for my heart.
Too bad she didn’t understand what I was trying to do. ‘I’m not ruining you, Bea. I’m setting you alive.’
