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‘Oh, whatdidyou have in mind?’
‘A big screen TV and a comedy show.’ I was trying to behave... for as long as I could.
‘You really are The Joker, aren’t you?’
‘It seems that the villain made you smile.’ Somehow that also brought me joy. I was still capable of raising other feelings except for fear and hate... unfortunately not for long.
The night went on as we talked about the most random subjects. I had no idea what hour it was anymore. But most importantly, I had forgotten about the things that usually made my days so murky. I felt like I was taking a small step into the light... an insignificant step as I discovered as soon as her eyes looked heavy and her body was betraying that she was tired.
‘We should go to bed.’ My suggestion came as a shock to her, though she didn’t sketch any kind of resistance. ‘Do you want me to give you something to change into?’
‘No, I brought pajamas.’
Pajamas— the thought made me laugh. She was certainly different.
‘Ok, I’ll go to the bathroom to get out of these clothes and give you some privacy.’ I considered it the right thing to do, especially since she broughtpajamas.
And she seemed to amuse me yet another time. Some navy-blue silk buttoned-up-to-the-neck sleeping suit was covering her attractive body, transforming her into a nun more than a temptress.
‘Some granny is crying after herpajamas,’ I said the second I returned, noticing heroutfitfor the night. At least I was at peace with myself after choosing to wear a tank top along with a pair of shorts. Imagine the shock if I was to appear in just my trunks.
‘Was this the charming part of you?’ She was the one patronizing me.
‘I’d like it if you were out of those clothes and wearing my own instead. To know how it feels to be so close to me.’ I took a few paces towards her, taking out my most dangerous weapon — seduction. ‘That was the charming part of me... The one that told the truth.’
Though I wasn’t going to continue. I didn’t want to push things too far... Well if an open invitation to my bed could even be considerednot pushing things.
I raised the quilt, sensing the distress I was causing her. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll stay on my side.’ I had every intention of keeping my word. ‘But I do want to ask you something before I’ll let you drift off.’ I said as I was getting into bed.
‘What is it?’
‘Where did you go earlier? When we were in front of the fireplace? What troubles you?’ I knew it wasn’t my place to ask, especially since I am the one who always avoids the question. But my curiosity wouldn’t give me peace. Maybe that’s the way everyone around me felt when it comes to my past.
I could read it on her face that she was having trouble answering me. Yet she did it anyway, ‘Too many things, for my own good,’ a molten sigh left her lips. A sorrow I recognized all too well.
‘I’ve left my hometown to make a new life for my family and me... at least for a part of my family. My sister, Natalie, and my brother, Sebastian. Though I couldn’t bring them here until now, and my time is running out. It’s complicated. I would need to work day and night for a month at The Pleasure Room, just to pay for rent, the Academy, and my brother’s hospitalization since the insurance doesn’t cover it as long as I’m not his legal guardian.’
‘What is his illness? What’s he suffering from?’
‘Kidney failure. He’s been on a transplant list for ages, but he’s getting nowhere with the Elite having priority. He’s on dialysis almost daily-.’ She couldn’t speak any further. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t... I can’t.’ I knew she couldn’t go on, and I would never be the person to push her.
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would upset you.’ I felt bad for having asked.
‘It’s ok... It’s just a sensitive subject.’
‘I think it will be better to let you sleep.’ I rested my hand over her face with the intent to kiss her. Yet it didn’t. Not in that moment of weakness... so I just pretended to arrange some loose strands that were falling over her cheeks.’Good night, Bea.’
‘Good night.’ She fell asleep soon after that, and so did I — for the first time in a long while.
I wish I could have cut a deal with Morfeus, the God of dreams. My crown for a peaceful night of sleep, except I don’t have a crown to trade and my royal titles have been buried along with my ancestors.
The nightmares didn’t wait to haunt my sleep and they ended up transposing into my real life. I was dying again, holding on with impossible strength to the last flickers of light while I was fighting off the excruciating pain of the bullets forging their way through my heart.
I might have been lost. That if, a distant calling hadn’t brought me back to my bed. ‘Ferris, please! It’s ok... It’s ok,’ I woke up cuddled against Bea’s chest, trying to make sense of what was happening. ‘It’s ok,’ I could hear her whisper in my ear, uselessly trying to comfort me.
‘I’m sorry, I...,’ I mumbled, trying to remember if I had hurt her. ‘This didn’t happen in so long.’ At least not to this intensity. My temples were still pulsing while my heart was buzzing with fear.
Still, I considered that I needed to be the one comforting her, rolling my thumbs over her face and hoping that I didn’t scare her off.
