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“Joy mentioned something about that,” he said.
I hummed quietly as I got my door unlocked, then threw the keys on the counter as he followed close at my heel. His presence was very warm, kind of filling all the spaces around me, and I was suddenly nervous. I didn’t know what to do with him, and I realized as the seconds ticked by, I didn’t know what I wanted from this.
“Are you okay?”
It must have shown on my face. There was no point in trying to lie, so I just shrugged and turned to face him. “I haven’t really done this before. I don’t know what my sister told you, but I’ve been with the same guy since I was…”Eighteen. “Really young. I’ve never dated, and I’m not sure I’m looking for something long-term.”
Karl blinked, then his mouth twitched, and he let out a huffing breath like he was holding back a laugh. “That’s fine. I thought she…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I guess she didn’t tell you that I wasn’t looking for something serious either. It’s kind of the opposite.”
“Um,” I told him. Fuck. Joy, what did you get me into? “She didn’t tell me anything about you actually.”
Karl’s brows furrowed, then he took a step closer. “Like I said at the café, I have a lot going on with my career, and I thought meeting up with someone for a few nights might be nice.” The distance between us got smaller and smaller until we were nearly toe-to-toe. “Before everything changes.”
His breath gently wafted past my cheeks, and I smelled mint like he’d been chewing gum. There was something oddly unpleasant about it, but I couldn’t put my finger on why. This was what I wanted, right?
A moment, an experience, something so far out of my wheelhouse it was like a foreign language.
A curled knuckle lifted, and he brushed it over my cheek. There was a hunger in his eyes that he had obviously kept hidden at the café, and he looked like he wanted to devour me.
Maybe under the right circumstances I would have loved it. I hadn’t ever been looked at like that before. But I saw it in his eyes. He wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at a young, willing body without a care for the soul inside.
“I…” I started.
He ducked his head and tried to kiss me.
Without making a huge fuss, I caught his lips on my cheek, but the force propelled me backward until I hit the wall next to my bedroom door. He laughed and took me by the shoulders, urging me through it, and I started to stiffen.
“Relax,” he murmured. “Obviously, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, but I promise this will be good. Three days, you and me, and you can ask me to do whatever you want. Trust me, I’ll say yes.”
Again, it might have been every other man’s dream, but there was just something off about it.
“Why?” I asked as we hit the far wall.
He framed my face, and this time, his kiss landed. It was short, almost brutal, and it was very dry. It was maybe one of the worst kisses of my life. “Why not?”
“A lot of reasons,” I said, trying to make light of how I was feeling, but it wasn’t working. “You just seem…intense. I want to know why.”
He bowed his head, and something flashed in his eyes that looked too close to anger. When he spoke, his voice was tight. “This is my last chance. I’m taking my vows next month.”
Taking his…
“Like apriest?”
He swallowed, then looked up and nodded. “It’s one thing to be forgiven as a mere mortal walking the streets committing these sorts of sins. It’s quite another to put on a collar then commit the sin of having a man in my bed.”
My stomach soured, and I moved from his grip. The only saving grace of the moment was that he let me go. “I’m not a sin.”
He laughed, the sound hollow, and there was an emptiness in his eyes now as he glanced up at me. “I’d give anything to believe that, but it is what it is.”
For a split second, I considered it. I considered giving him the weekend he was so desperate for—his single reprieve before he committed himself to a life of self-hatred carefully couched in faith and religion. Maybe I could be that man who sacrificed bits of his dignity, then lived with the knowledge that he’d forever hate me as a temptation.
But I wasn’t that kind of person.
“I can’t.”
He grimaced, looking for a moment like he might scream, then his entire body deflated. His shoulders sagged, and his head bowed forward. “Fine.”
I didn’t explain myself further. I didn’t even move away from the corner of my room as he gathered what was left of his pride, turned on his heel, and left. He didn’t leave me any passing insults, and maybe it was the man of God in him that refrained.
