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Dear Ramiro,
I have been getting your letters. I'm sorry for not answering. I've been busy. I'm a music journalist now; isn't that a riot? So I'm often traveling to cover concerts and shows and do interviews.
I'm glad you're doing well. I always knew you'd shape up. I am sorry that I did it the way I did. I hated myself for not answering your last call, especially now that I know your reason. I promise you that the next time you call, I will answer. I haven't been a perfect friend, I'm afraid. I hope you'll give me a chance.
Come back soon.
Love, Carmen
CHAPTER5
One year later
As a peace offering,Carmen went to Tarts & Co. for their dark chocolate cream tart, Tanner's favorite. She tapped her fingers on the counter as it was wrapped up, her stomach a tangle of frayed knots.
They had been arguing a lot for months now. The littlest thing blossomed into screaming matches and slammed doors or Tanner spending the night on the couch. Mornings were sullen as they sat on opposite ends of the table and ignored each other. The nights were just as bad because the bed, once crowded, was suddenly the vastest, loneliest space. Carmen tossed and turned to wonder how she could fix them if they were still fixable.
It was hard to pinpoint when it began but warring over floss left at the sink, and the toilet seat left up, were arguments over what they should be screaming at each other about. Carmen envisioned them in a perpetual haze of love and romance when they got engaged. They had that, even during the early days of Tanner's move. The romance was never their problem, but commitment, particularly hers, was becoming questionable, according to him, when they fought this morning.
That set her off and sent them on a screaming rampage. Past the point of hurt was an anger that had Carmen really tempted to physically hurt Tanner because how dare he implies she was cheating. She never had and was never tempted. It was unfair and just plain wrong, and she yelled that if he couldn't trust her, she would never marry him.
All dayher mood switched from anger to regret, then back. Before things got really complicated, she had to ask Tanner to stop nagging her. Couldn't they enjoy being engaged first? Because she did. And he did as asked but only for as long. She counted the days the subject was never brought up - twelve days. Twelvewonderfuldays of freedom from his morning utterances of getting married in River View as he fucked her. And because the world liked to crap on good things, people got married left and right soon after.
They were invited to five weddings that they couldn't skip - or rather, Carmen couldn't. While dancing at the wedding of his brother Dean, Tanner whispered that they could have a themed wedding or a mix of traditions, where she was from, and his culture. She was thankful when the bride suddenly called for the bouquet toss. About a minute before, she found her hands around a bunch of roses, caught due to her height advantage and long limbs. She had to give Tanner a blow job in the car to shut him up about weddings.
The next was the wedding of Lennon to Caitlin Gunn, her best friend. Carmen was a bridesmaid, and Tanner filled her ears with whispers of how she would walk on a carpet of flowers instead of a mere path like Caitlin did when it was her turn to be the bride. Carmen stood by the champagne fountain the entire night and was unusually friendly, forcing Tanner to circulate on his own. Tanner didn't mention one word regarding weddings for three whole days - the time she had to recover from the hangover.
The next weddings were business associates of Tanner's. Being mere guests had Tanner comparing the decorations to their projected wedding more bluntly, and he just wouldn't let up. After the fifth wedding, Carmen reached her breaking point and told Tanner that if he wasn't going to let her think about the wedding on her own, there would never be a wedding for them. He told her she was shit and wasn't taking their relationship seriously.
She took it back. She knew how the discord in their relationship began. That day. When she said her piece and Tanner accused her of not taking their relationship seriously. It was hurtful because the exact opposite was true. He couldn't fathom that she couldn't think when barraged and nagged left and right about getting hitched. And with Tanner now living with her, there was hardly any room to breathe.
Carmen threw herself to work for the whole day. She turned in two articles in advance, saw someone who tried to convince her to venture into producing music, and then producers for a new reality show looking to form the next big rock band. They wanted her as one of the mentors.
Tanner's low-slung Black Thunder was already parked when she swung the car towards their house. She parked behind him, leaving enough space for when he left early in the morning. She took the gleaming silver paper bag of Tarts & Co. and walked up to the front door.
"I'm home," she called out, closing the door behind her and walking inside. The silver bag was placed on the kitchen counter before her feet brought her to the bedroom. A blond eyebrow cocked at the sight of an open suitcase at the foot of the bed. The door from the closet swung open, and Tanner, a few clothes in his arms, gave her a startled look.
They stared at each other, Carmen's questioning and him stoic. Then he looked away and brushed past her shoulder as he put his clothes in the bag. Wordlessly, her eyes followed him as he took a few underwears from the dresser.
"I know things have not been good for a while but this isn't the answer, Tanner," she managed to say.
"Relax. I'll be away for a couple of days, that's all," he muttered, dumping his underwear in the bag. He still wouldn't look at her.
"Where are you going?" Carmen asked a moment later when he offered no further information. Instead, he was looking at his phone. She hated that her voice sounded as small as a child's.
"Tina Hanson was busted for possession at the airport. Her agent and I will be doing damage control for a few days." He answered, sounding like his teeth were being pulled one by one.
"Oh." Tina was a young actress, gorgeous but a mess. Tanner zipped up his bag.
"There's dark chocolate tart from Tart Co's," Carmen said as another yawning silence fell between them. Tanner tossed his phone on the bed and stomped to their closet, wrenching off his suit with sharp, jerking motions. Her mouth usually went dry at the sight of his glorious, tanned skin and muscles, but her throat was tight from a fear she couldn't voice out. "I - I am sorry for this morning, Tanner. I really am."
"We should use the time apart to think," was his answer, putting on a crisp, black shirt. Then he put on the suit jacket he had discarded and strolled out of the closet. His dark eyes rested briefly on her before he took his suitcase and walked out of the room.
"I don't need to think," Carmen yelled as she went after him. Being taller and with longer legs, she quickly overtook him and planted her body right between him and the door. "Tanner, I love you. Please don't doubt that."
His eyes were cold as they stared back at her. She flinched as if struck.
"Then tell me you'll marry me."
