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“Fuck!” he grated, finally showing some emotion as I slipped away from his outstretched hands. “Get back here, you little brat.”
I ran, racing into the gloom and darting down a narrow passageway. The darkness was only broken by the light of the softly burning torches which lined the damp walls, but I’d spent enough time down here that my eyesight quickly adapted and I pushed forward. I moved as fast as I could, uncaring of the noise my feet made as I clattered along the flagstones. All I cared about was getting away. Getting out of their grip before they could lock me away again.
Spotting exactly what I was searching for, I jammed myself underneath a small rock overhang, darting a glance back along the empty path before wedging myself into the tiny space. Hard stone dug into my spine as I shoved myself backwards, tucking my body into the shadows until I was confident that I wouldn’t be spotted easily.
The low light flickered across the dark stone walls of the passageway in front of me as I forced myself to hold still and wait, my pulse thumping in my ears as I struggled to calm my breathing and stay silent. My spine stiffened as the sound of footsteps echoed in my ears, the rasp of my breath so loud now that I forced a hand over my mouth to try and mute it. The heavy footfalls came closer, the shadowed outline of the guard passing by a few moments later, walking slowly and methodically as he searched for any trace of me.
Goosebumps raced over my skin as he stopped, his feet stilling on the flagstone directly in front of my hiding place. My breath froze in my lungs, fear gripping me as he tilted his head as if listening, and I let my eyes fall closed in silent prayer as my chest already began to ache from lack of air.
I knew what awaited me if they got hold of me again. Mother had ordered him to bring me down here; to lock me back in the damp, rat-infested hole that she reserved for whenever I failed her. And I was, unfortunately, a constant source of disappointment. Everything from my attitude to my command of magic seemed to irritate her, though as the months went by I was beginning to understand that it was more than that.
It was that she couldn’t control me. No matter what she did, how long she punished me for, or how badly she hurt me, I never broke. Not fully. Not enough to satisfy her.
But I hated that hole. There was no sunlight, no food, no warmth. Nothing to do other than practice my basic magic and dream of another life. A life where I was free to make my own choices and to go my own way. A life where I wasn’t bound to the Queen, or to anyone. True freedom to just be myself.
My dreams were all I really had now. My sister had been drawn under the Queen’s control, spending all of her time in her ‘lessons’ where I was no longer welcome, and happily reporting any of my actions straight back to our mother so that I could be duly punished. The Briar that I knew was gone and I had no one left. Thea was fun to play with, but she was so terrified of Mother that I knew I could never truly rely on her. The only other faces I saw were older servants and the guards who contained me.
I was long used to loneliness now.
I gasped in a long breath as my body gave in to the burn, whipping my eyes open to find only an empty space before me. I shuddered with relief as I realised that the guard had moved past without spotting me, waiting until my breathing had calmed again before daring to wriggle free of my hiding space. Moving slowly, I peered out into the passage, seeing nothing but shadows and twilight as I pulled the rest of myself free and began to creep back towards the dungeon entrance. If I could get back up the stairway, I could get outside. There were enough places to hide in the gardens that I might manage to stay free until dark. Then I could run for good. Anything was better than staying here.
I gasped at a sound behind me, spinning to search for movement but seeing nothing. My heartbeat thrumming, I turned and began to move faster towards my escape, the sound behind me becoming heavy footsteps that threatened my downfall and made chills of dread run over my skin. I broke into a run as I rounded the next corner, a scream breaking free as I slammed into a hard body, arms locking around me before I could tumble to the cold floor.
I screamed and writhed as I was thrown over my captor’s shoulder, thick vines wrapping around my wrists and ankles as he conjured them with his magic before carrying me deeper into the darkness with an air of disgust.
“Stupid child,” he grated roughly as he dumped me to the floor a short while later, reaching down to unlock a familiar, filthy gate. “Did you really think you could get away?”
I gasped in pain as he pulled me up by my hair, forcing me onto my bound feet as he leered down at me.
“What she says, goes, little Princess. Enjoy the dark.”
I flinched as small globs of spit hit my cheek, sucking in another pained breath as he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the cell. A sob racked through me as the walls I knew too well began to close in around me, the dank, coppery scent invading my nose and making panic flood through my body.
“Please!” I cried as he awkwardly backed out of the small space. “Wait, please. Please! Don’t leave me here!”
My head spun as my pulse thundered, my vision filling with dark spots as panic took over. A low, cruel laugh grabbed my attention though, and as the door began to swing closed I forced myself to meet the guard’s gaze.
A gaze that, while still full of heartless malice, was no longer a dark, unremarkable brown. A bright, emerald green glowed back at me now from a pair of eyes that sent an inexplicable turmoil of emotion sweeping through me.
“Please,” I whispered now, as the face continued to retreat. “Don’t leave me.”
The eyes faded into the darkness, leaving me sobbing and broken on the unforgiving stone floor as his brutal answer echoed in my ears.
“This isn’t worth it.”
I woke with a loud gasp, my heart pounding inside my chest and sweat beading on my forehead as panic held its grip on me for a long moment.
I pushed myself up to sitting with a low groan, the sheets falling to my waist as I swiped a hand over my face in an attempt to shake off the dream.
Again.
They were almost constant now. Warped memories disturbed every night and left me in a constant state of exhaustion as my mind refused to let me fully rest. Nothing seemed to help either. Exercise, alcohol, company… nothing. Even a sleeping potion didn’t stop them, it just kept me trapped in the dream all night.
Shuddering at that memory, I climbed out of bed and headed into the shower, rinsing away the evidence of my restless few hours in bed before pulling on clean sweats and a thin sweater. Spring was definitely here now, the forest beginning to burst into life all around us, but the mornings and evenings still held the chill of winter.
Heading into the main room of the cabin that I now called my own, I made myself a cup of hot tea in the small kitchen before grabbing a blanket and snuggling down into the cosy sofa cushions. Turning, I grabbed a book from the shelves that sat within easy reach and settled into the little spot of heaven that I had found in this world. If I couldn’t sleep, at least I could lose myself in a good book until it was time to meet the pack for breakfast. After that, chores could fill my day until I was ready to drop back into bed.
The last thing I needed was empty time to think. To remember.
