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She was always there, at the back of my mind, and during every birthday where I cried because she didn’t want me.
Turns out, that was never the case.
I mourned you.She said.Every year, I mourned you.
She appears flawless in her dark blue pantsuit with her red hair falling to her shoulders. As always. She’s the most elegant, classy woman I’ve ever seen.
“Please don’t go.” She stops a safe distance away, not attempting to take a seat. “I just…want to talk to you.”
“We never talked in the past. You hated me and I hated you.”
“I never hated you. I just…hate your father, and you were an extension of him, in a way, but not anymore. You’re an extension of me, too.”
“No, I’m not. I told you, I don’t want anything to do with you.”
“I know and I understand, but I just want a chance, no matter how small, just one chance to prove that I care, that I always have. A few months ago, I got drunk while visiting the grave that I thought was my daughter’s, but now, I know it isn’t, and I’m so thankful for just being able to watch from afar and making sure you’re well. That’s all I ask for. But if you still can’t give me that, it’s fine. I understand. I just want to tell you I’m sorry.”
The stupid feelings that I can’t stop flood my insides and I start clinking my nails. “For what?”
“For not being there all these years. I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I still lost you for twenty years. You still felt abandoned and cried on your birthdays like I got drunk on them.”
“You mourned me for twenty years?”
“I did.”
“I think I mourned you, too, even thinking you abandoned me, I still mourned you.”
“I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
Clearing my throat, I try not to let the tears loose and lift a shoulder. “I had Dad. Though he can be too much sometimes.”
“I’m sorry your father is giving you a hard time about Nate. He’s a jerk.”
I jump to a standing position. “Do you…know where Nate is?”
Dad has been insinuating that Nate and Aspen have always had a thing going on, and I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to make me feel as if Nate would choose her over me because she’d fit him better.
He knew I harbored such thoughts myself and in a typical Kingsley Shaw lawyer move, he played on them to make me give up. And he almost succeeded.
However, Aspen didn’t leave with Nate. She stayed, and I think that’s partly because of me. And anyway, Nate would never hurt me that way, and she wouldn’t either. I felt her words just now. The pain in them is so relatable to mine that I can sense it slashing my chest.
Her shoulders droop a little. “No, I don’t.”
“You do. You always know about things. If you want me to give you a chance, tell me where he is.”
“I would if I knew, but I really don’t. I know one thing for certain, though.”
“What?”
“He would never give up on you. I’ve been with him long enough to know he doesn’t allow himself to get attached. He’s not the type to care about anyone very much, but he does care about you. He looks at you like he never wants to look away.”
“But he did.” I fight the emotions in my voice and fail. “He left.”
“Because of King.”
