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The violation.
The burning pain.
Sometimes, I think I’m lucky I don’t remember most of it.
I’m lucky I only remember lying on the ground after he’s done and thinking everything’s going to be all right.
I think I saw Astrid in the middle of it all, but I also saw Daniel coming to save me, so it was probably a play of my imagination.
I hope the blood that’s on my white dress is also a play of my imagination.
My body still feels like an alien entity as I crawl to the bathroom on my stomach. My nails break on the floor in my attempts to get there faster.
Or maybe they broke when I tried to scratch him. The stench of weed, cigarettes, and male musk clings to my skin, and I need it gone.
I also need the blood on my dress gone.
I need all of this gone.
It’s a compulsive reaction, a need to get rid of it all, which is why I crawl faster, break more nails and scrape my knees against the ground.
Once I’m in the shower, I strain to hit the water button.
Cold.
Like my soul.
I sit against the wall in my clothes and pull my knees to my chest.
I don’t cry, though. I don’t have the right to.
My eyes lift to the ceiling and I whisper, “Papa… Please take me with you.”
* * *
I spendhours under the spray of water until I think I’ll surely get pneumonia.
Then I scrub my body until it turns red and painful, but I still can’t get rid of his rotten smell.
Of the stench of cigarettes and weed.
No idea where I get the force to rip the bloodied white dress to pieces and change into a pair of jeans and a tank top, but I do.
I have to get out of here.
I have to forget.
My whole body shakes as I drive my car. I have to stop on the side of the road every five minutes to keep myself from hyperventilating.
But I don’t abandon my plan. I don’t turn around. I keep driving until I reach my destination.
Daniel’s house.
Or more like a mansion.
His family is loaded and since his father is somewhat eccentric—and a horrible parent to both Zach and Daniel—he designed the house in a peculiar way. From the outside, it seems like a dome donned with different geometric shapes of windows and doors.
As soon as I step out of the car, the heavens open, and heavy rain soaks me in a second.
