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But the fact of the matter was, the horse had bolted. They could turn back now, and things would still be different forever.
Because the acknowledgment of the feelings was the horse in the room. And the sex didn’t have to actually happen for it to have been spoken of. And they’d already kissed. So there was no point turning back. Because if it was going to break something, then they’d broken it back at the bar. Maybe they’d broken it back at the hotel.
Maybe they’d broken it at some other point along the path that she couldn’t even identify.
Maybe it had shattered for her the moment she had seen him put his hand on that woman’s hip and envied her. Maybe that was the point from which she had been too far gone to go back.
And so she really had to be like Jace this moment. And just go forward.
But not look too far ahead.
He got out of the truck and took her keys and unlocked the front door.
She walked in first, and the very familiar room suddenly didn’t look so familiar. It looked foreign and a little bit frightening, or maybe that was just her own body right now.
Foreign and a little bit frightening. Not at all what she was used to. Not at all what she expected.
And then he closed the door behind them and locked it, and suddenly it all felt so real.
She was hyperaware of everything. The sound of her breathing. The sound of the forced air coming through the vents as the heater came on. The sound of his footsteps as he walked toward her.
“Jace,” she whispered.
“Cara.”
It was in affirmation. That he was well aware of who she was. That he saw her. That he wanted her too.
And that was what she really needed to know. More than anything.
“This isn’t just the virginity thing, is it? It’s not just a novelty for you?”
“I’ve never found anything about virginity novel. I don’t care about it. But I do care about you. I care about what you want. And you waited a long time to do this and... I want it to be good for you. So no. I don’t care about that. What I care about is you. That’s it. Beginning and end of story. It’s you, Cara. You’re what matters.”
She felt like her heart was being peeled, layer by layer, like all the resistance that she had left was being stripped away. And she really didn’t have much. And yet it was brutal. Utterly brutal. She hadn’t expected this. That a moment so deeply desired. So anticipated, could be quite so uncomfortable.
But it was like he knew. Right then. Like he knew just what to do. He leaned in and kissed her. And he made it impossible for her to think. And that was just exactly what she needed. A reprieve. And that was what he excelled at. She could see the appeal. Why he lived the way that he did. She could see why it felt great to block out everything but the moment. Absolutely everything.
And so she let his kiss carry her away. Or maybe keep her grounded. To the spot instead of the moments that would follow. The moments where he would see her. Touch her. Tease her in a way that no other man ever had.
Yes. She kept herself in this moment, so she wasn’t quite up ahead to those.
His hands were strong and certain as he gripped her waist, rooted her to the spot, to the moment.
Her heart began to throb, her body aching with need.
It was just so good. And it surpassed everything. Every single one of her fantasies. Every single one of those illicit evenings she’d spent thinking about his hands on her body. The reality was so much sweeter. So much better.
And then suddenly, she wanted to see him. Because after all, it was her fantasy. Because after all, she was the virgin.
She pushed her hands up beneath his shirt, and he took the hint, reaching behind his head and gripping the back of his T-shirt, pulling it up over his head in a way that left her mouth ajar.
“How do men do that?”
“What?”
“I dunno. It was just the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” At least, it was. It was the sexiest thing she had ever seen until she saw his body. His broad shoulders, his pectoral muscles, with just the right amount of hair sprinkled over them, his lean waist, his corrugated abs.
She licked her lips. She had seen him shirtless any number of times, but this was the first time that it had been okay for her to touch. She could touch him now.
