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“She loves you. Maybe she hasn’t told you yet, but one of the reasons she’s so upset is because she loves you, and she thinks this will end your relationship.” She blew on her coffee before taking a sip.
Simone’s words slammed into his chest. Jules loved him? Nik was afraid to hope she was right. Even if she was, would Jules ever trust him? “She’s the mother of my child. If nothing else, that would bind us together forever. But she’s also my world. There is no one more important to me than her. How can she not know that?”
“Have you told her?”
“I’ve asked her to marry me. I’ve told her I want us to be a family. She knows how I feel.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough, Nik. Have you talked about what kind of future you want with her? Did you tell her you want her to move to Toronto?”
Something in the way Simone spoke told Nik she had experience in this area. He knew her husband had moved away for work when Jules was a teenager, but he didn’t know Simone well enough yet to ask for more details. Had his move led to the end of their marriage? Was she worried the same thing would happen to Jules and Ava? He wouldn’t do that to Jules.
“We haven’t,” Nik admitted. “We haven’t talked about where we will live, or what kind of life we want to build. Everything has happened so fast that it hasn’t been a priority.” The feelings of guilt came back, this time because of Jules. He was failing at everything: boyfriend, father. He needed to figure out how to fix this.
Simone tapped the edge of the paper coffee cup with one long, elegant finger. “Then let me ask you: What do you want? How do you envision your lives unfolding?”
Nik let out a heavy sigh. What did he want? He refused to examine how empty his life had been before finding out about Ava. Now he wanted the dream. The wife, the white picket fence, the kids and dogs. He wanted to be happy, and being with Jules made him happy. She and Ava were light, and laughter, and joy. He couldn’t imagine his life without them. The thought of losing them now terrified him. “I want us to be a family. I’d like more kids, if that’s what Jules wants. I want to have a home to come back to, not an antiseptic condo I barely see. Most important, I want to make Jules happy.”
Simone gave him a gentle smile. “I knew there was a reason I liked you. But I have to ask, what do you think will make Jules happy? Because you know what you want, but what about what she wants?”
Nik stood and paced the room restlessly. What would make Jules happy? If he knew, he’d give it to her. He’d give her the world, if that was what she wanted. Even as the thought crossed his mind, he brushed it away. Jules wasn’t after material things. Every time he used his money to make her life easier, she bristled. She was independent and self-sufficient, and she did not want to be taken care of.
Her independence was key. Nik felt like smacking himself for being so oblivious. Jules had told him enough about her marriage to Michael for him to know she needed to be an equal in their relationship. Nik had no problem with that, even if he did forget sometimes. He’d learn. He would do better.
So then what? He’d thought being offered the chance to keep doing her job, but on a bigger scale, would thrill her. Her career was terribly important to her, especially since it was in direct contrast to what Michael had wanted for her. But her reaction had been to reject him immediately. Was that the job? Or because of the location?
“Her family is the most important thing in her life. Ava and you. And her friends are part of her extended family. She would have a hard time leaving them to move halfway across the country, no matter how good the job. And I don’t think she would do it for me either.” That realization left him hollow. He needed to show Jules how important she was to him.
“How much do you normally travel for your work?”
Nik stopped pacing, his back to Simone. He didn’t want her to see the guilt he was sure was written all over his face. “A lot. But I’m going to change that. As soon as this deal—” He turned to see Simone shaking her head in amusement.
“This deal, the next deal, the next emergency. A few weeks ago it was Halifax; next month it will be three months in Ontario. I’m not criticizing; your job is demanding, and you are very good at it. But what kind of life are you offering her? If she agrees to move to Toronto, then what? You leave her with a brand-new job that is equally demanding and requires a lot of her time. You’re gone all the time, and she has no network of family and friends to rely on. Who takes care of Ava? Who helps Jules?”
The questions were honest, raw, and they hit Nik like blows. The reality of the life Simone was describing showed him he was being selfish and thoughtless. He would be making Jules a single parent and leaving her isolated and alone in a strange city. It would be worse for Ava. He’d be taking her away from everything she’d ever known, and from the grandmother who had been a key part of her world since the day she was born. All because he had a preconceived idea of what a family should look like. He couldn’t ask that of Jules. He had to find another way. An idea began to crystallize. “I know what I need to do. I’m going to say good night to Ava, then make some calls.” He stood to make his way to Ava’s room.
Jules looked up from her e-reader when Nik and Simone walked into Ava’s room. She glanced away when he made eye contact, and Nik sucked in a pained breath. Her expression was closed off and distant. What would it take to get her to open up to him? At least she didn’t look as angry now, but she clearly wasn’t ready to talk.
Nik stood beside Ava’s bed, looking down at his little girl. Her blonde hair, so much like her mother’s, was spread across the white hospital pillow, and her lashes were dark against her pale cheeks. He was relieved that she was sleeping soundly, in no apparent pain. He brushed a kiss across her cheek and slipped out of the room. He had work to do.
* * *
Jules watched silentlyas Nik left the room. She was still upset, but she’d had enough time to get her anxiety under control. She wasn’t ready to talk to Nik, not yet. She needed more time to figure out what she was going to do. “Are Nik’s parents gone?”
“Nik’s parents left right after you did.” Simone took the empty seat beside Jules and glanced at Ava. “She’s doing OK?”
“She’s fine. The nurses check in every hour, and everything looks good. We can take her home tomorrow.” Jules couldn’t help but emphasize the wordhome. She was still disturbed that Nik thought she would uproot her life and move to Toronto, all for a job. She would never understand men. Well, that wasn’t fair. Nik had no experience being a parent. He had no idea how hard it could be sometimes.
Simone took the chair next to Jules and gave her a probing look. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Jules shrugged. “What’s to talk about? Nik and his father seem to think I’m going to drop everything and move to Toronto, all for a new job. I corrected their mistake.” She made a wry face at her mother.
Simone chuckled. “You definitely did that. How are you feeling? Any signs of a panic attack?”
“I’m fine, Mom, really. Just tired.” So very tired. The day had been an emotional roller coaster and had ended perched at the top, ready to hurtle down into the abyss. The question was, would her relationship with Nik crash and burn, or stay on the tracks?
“I’m proud of you, you know. For standing up to Giorgio and Nik, not letting them run you over.”
“I’ve learned a lot since Michael. Plus, I have to think about what’s best for Ava. It’s not just about me anymore.” Although her instantaneous refusal to consider moving was initially based on her needs, Jules truly believed Ava was better off growing up in Vancouver, close to her grandmother and her honorary aunts from Harbourview. Over time, she could develop a relationship with Nik’s family, but protecting Ava from Giorgio’s toxic masculinity was a side benefit of staying on the West Coast.
