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Monday morning rolled around too quickly, but I couldn’t blame my surly mood on the day of the week as I stared at the empty pillow beside mine. It only took me a few hours to become addicted to sleeping in Abe’s arms, and I wasn’t sure when I’d get the chance to do it again. I’d tried like hell to get him to stick around Sunday after brunch, but he’d claimed he had pressing business that needed his attention. I hadn’t doubted it was true for a second, but there was something sheltered about his countenance, even when he’d woken holding two handfuls of my ass. His body saidhell yeahwhile his eyes saidwhoa, Nelly. Getting Abe to stay for food required a lot of cajoling, which was very telling. Abe didn’t miss a meal, not even a snack. He’d been ready to throw back the covers and hightail it out of my house. I’d battled the urge to text or call him all day long but decided to leave the ball squarely in Abe’s court. I’d already leaped to horrific assumptions the previous night and made a fool of myself. Abe promised we wouldn’t repeat what happened five years ago, and I needed to trust him. It was hard not to assume the worst when I hadn’t heard from Abe since he left.
Damn you, Abe.Or maybe I was madder at myself for lowering my shields. I knew better than to allow further entanglement without having an in-depth conversation with Abe. A bruised heart and twisting guts were precisely what I’d tried to avoid in the first damn place, but there I was, feeling chewed up and spit out. I couldn’t just bury my head under my pillow, but I could bury my face in the one Abe had used and breathe in his scent. That thought made me throw back the covers and leave the bed without a backward glance. If I lingered long enough to make the bed, I’d hug Abe’s pillow like a lovesick fool. Maybe I was one, but I didn’t have to act like it.
I put myself through a brutal workout in my home gym, blaring death metal over the Bluetooth speaker to drown out my needy thoughts. My body felt like a wilted flower afterward, but my mind felt sharper, and my emotions were back under control. I prepared an egg white omelet, wheat toast, and a cup of strong black coffee to replenish my empty tank before getting ready for work. And that’s where all my good intentions died because I remembered Abe had used my shower on Sunday. He’d smelled like my soap and shampoo when he’d sat across from me at the small kitchen table. It had felt like something promising and new until he made his excuses to get the hell out of there. My adrenaline-fueled brain and body stirred at the images of Abe beneath the spray, steam rising all around his glorious body. What I wouldn’t give to be a water droplet sliding down the planes and valleys of his beefy body. The droplet would only get one ride before it disappeared down the drain, but what a journey it would be.
I took my dick in hand and stroked myself like I’d done every damn day since breaking things off with my last boyfriend. Abe was single, I was single, and we loved each other. This was supposed to be our time, but I was still jerking off to what could be. My orgasm was a warm hum through my body, but it wasn’t the euphoric fireworks display I would experience with Abe. To hear his sounds of pleasure and to have his hands grip my body tightly as he spilled into me was all I craved in the world. I couldn’t accept that it would never happen. No. This was our time.
I shut off the water more forcibly than necessary and roughly dried off. By the time I’d dressed and headed out the door with a second cup of coffee, I was in a better mood. My phone buzzed with an incoming message, and I checked the screen. Seeing Abe’s name stirred a mixture of excitement and fear. What if he said he’d changed his mind? What if he hadn’t? We’d never be able to cross back over the line and settle for friendship after we stepped into a romantic relationship. I swallowed hard and tapped the notification to open our chat thread.
I would’ve much rather woken beside you. Pretty sure you’ve ruined me. Sorry for the way I bolted yesterday. I got hit with a wave of grief and didn’t know how to process it. Next time, I’ll let you help me. Thank you for opening your door, your arms, and your bed to me. I do love you, even if I act like an idiot sometimes.
I expelled a long, shaky breath as my heart pounded in my chest. I hadn’t lost ground with Abe. I grinned as I tapped out my response.You’re my favorite idiot. Everything I have is open to you.I stopped typing and stared at the message, then debated erasing it until I recalled Abe’s chief complaint about me. He’d always said there was private and then there was me. “No one weaponizes their need for privacy like you do,” he’d said more than once. I did have a terrible habit of internalizing everything and wielding my independence like a sword. It made me come off as cold and aloof, which was the furthest thing from the truth. But how would anyone know that if I didn’t let them in just a little bit?
So instead of deleting what I’d written, I continued typing.I realize that sounds like a come-on, but it doesn’t make it less accurate. I love you too. I want you to know I’m listening. No man is an island.
Abe sent back a boat emoji and added,I’m going to row myself to your shores.
My face went up in flames as I thought about the things we’d do once he landed. I put my phone away and headed toward the precinct. The joy from the text exchange stayed with me until I pulled into the parking lot and remembered Alyssa’s interview with Dylan Eads was happening that morning. I wanted him off the street and behind bars if the guy was dirty. If he was a victim of coincidence, then I’d feel bad about the scrutiny he’d face. But I didn’t believe in coincidence. Ten cases out of hundreds were flagged for malicious prosecution, and seven out of the ten had Dylan Eads as the lead investigator. The odds weren’t in the detective’s favor, but because Alyssa hadn’t shared any of her findings with me, I had no idea how badly they were stacked against Eads. I understood Alyssa’s reasons for keeping her investigation close to the vest, but I didn’t want to get blindsided by a scandal that would rock the department and shatter the trust I was building within the community we served.
I relaxed the white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel and reached for my coffee and phone. I was halfway across the parking lot when I heard my name ring out behind me. I’d been deep in thought, so the intrusion caught me off guard, and I flinched. I told myself to get a grip and paused so Sergeant Royce Locke could catch up with me.
“A little early, aren’t you?” I asked him.
His students fulfilled their required classes at their county high schools in the morning and wouldn’t arrive at the Explorer academy until early afternoon. Locke raked his fingers through his blond hair, which was slightly longer than regulation allowed. It was something I could knock him for but wouldn’t. I acted like the guy drove me to madness, but I deeply respected Locke and anticipated he would hold my position someday.
“I need to grade a few more assignments and prepare for our guest lecturer,” Locke said. “DA Babineaux is talking to the cadets about the importance of obeying proper procedures and the consequences when they don’t.”
How apropos. If I had known today’s lesson, I would’ve asked Alyssa if the students could sit in on Eads’s interrogation. That would scare them into walking the straight and narrow. I nearly snorted out loud but caught myself in time. “Deputy Chief Shidaker with Internal Affairs would be a great one to talk to the kids,” I suggested. “I can put in a good word with her.”
“You know Shidaker well?”
I paused to open the door to the building and gestured for him to go first. This was an instance where I could let down my guard with Locke. “We used to be married,” I said, “and we have a son.”
Locke halted in the doorway and looked over his shoulder. “Get out of here.”
“But I just arrived, Sergeant Locke.”
“How did I not know this?”
In for a penny, in for a pound. I shooed him inside so I could enter the building. “Alyssa and I started our careers in different police departments and didn’t transfer to Savannah until after we divorced,” I replied. “I transferred here first, and she followed a few years later. She returned to her maiden name after our divorce, so no one had reason to suspect our prior relationship. We made it easy on everyone around us because we got along so well. More than a few officers have tried to set us up on dates with one another.”
Royce laughed. “That must’ve been awkward.”
“We shared a good laugh each time it happened.”
Commissioner Rigby had known the truth when she promoted us to our current positions, and that’s what mattered to me. I figured our privacy would be over once Eads blabbed his mouth to everyone in the precinct.
“I’d love an opportunity for Shidaker to speak to the cadets,” Locke said. “Do you mind asking, or would you prefer I approach her?”
“I’m going to see the deputy chief later this morning, so I’ll ask her for you.”
“That’s great, sir. Thank you.” I knew damn well he had more questions about my relationship with Alyssa, just as he suspected there was more than friendship between Abe and me. Locke was an exemplary detective with impeccable instincts, so it was illogical to think he wouldn’t pick up on the undercurrents whenever I was in a room with Abe.
“No problem,” I said before we parted ways.
I immediately dove into work the minute I sat down in my chair so I wouldn’t dwell on what had occurred over the weekend with Abe and what might happen during Alyssa’s interview with Eads. I would ignore the nagging voice in my head that chalked up Abe’s turnaround to his grief. I hated standing on the sidelines, but I trusted Alyssa implicitly and would prove it by not trying to seize control of the situation. My assistant, Greg Stromberg, arrived thirty minutes later with another cup of hot coffee in one hand and his ever-present tablet in the other. We went over my schedule for the week, which included a variety of speaking engagements, meetings, and performance evaluations for the higher-ranking officers in the department. Greg departed after we concluded our meeting, and I returned to my tasks until it was time for me to observe Alyssa’s interview with Eads.
