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“Because you pregnant ties us together forever. No matter what happens our child will link us, always in each other’s lives, always a part of each other. Once you were pregnant maybe the fear of you walking away from me would die.”
My honesty stuns her. Backing away from me, she shakes her head.
“Yes, I fell for you that first day. From the moment I laid eyes on you, all your fire and spirit—I wanted it—you, for myself. I was plotting and planning all the ways to get you, I was not above using your father to get you. Then you cried, the tears turning your gray eyes silver. You would not be able to continue your education. It meant so much to you. I hated it, yet I knew if I kept you from your dream you would grow to hate me. For the first time I came across a problem my money could not get me out of. There was no way I could marry you, then allow you to run off for the years you gaining your credentials in another city two hours away from me would require.”
Another shake of her head.
I fight for control, needing to tell her everything. “I could not, Celia. I would have appeared weak. As my wife you belonged at my side, not in another city. To indulge you would have made you the one thing I did not want—a target for how deeply I cared for you. So I ensured you got the money you needed to go to school, then made sure you were protected at all times except for one very fucked-up night. You have no idea how hard it was not to push you to come back to me, to Chicago when you figured out you wouldn’t be happy being a veterinarian. In fact I planned on meeting with Carlo and telling him enough…just enough to get you. But then I ran into my own problems.”
“You got shot,” she whispers.
“It felt like fate was telling me to wait for you. To give you the time you needed to grow up and be your own woman. If I took you without you coming to me, then it would all be for nothing. I wanted you to pick me, or maybe I needed the illusion you were not simply enduring me as your husband, that you wanted me the same way I wanted you. The same way I loved you.”
Tears spill down her cheeks. “You said love was a hormone—”
I catch her close, forcing her eyes up to mine. “I lied,” I whisper against her lips. “The moment I met you it was love. There was that hormone in the beginning that had me listening to your recordings day in and out. Buying the helicopter and forcing Peter to take lessons in case I needed to get to you immediately.”
“You bought the helicopter for me?” Silver eyes wide in awe.
I smile in memory of Aleksander and Peter telling me I’d regret the cost. I never did. “Planning ahead,kotyonok, when it comes to you. Using it only once to get to you as soon as you needed me was worth it. I felt like the biggest bastard in the world. I hated what you’d gone through, how in pain you were, yet having you all to myself for a week was a dream come true. It confirmed it wasn’t just lust or obsession, what I felt for you—it was love.”
She shakes her head, as new tears fall.
“I lied to protect you from Grigori. To keep him and everyone else from knowing I wouldn’t just kill for you, I’d die for you. I would give up everything I have, walk away from this life and my family, if it meant I got to keep you. If my enemies knew…there are no limits to what they might do to hurt me through you. You’re an easy read. If you knew how deeply I loved you, you would have glowed with it. And I wouldn’t have been able to keep from floating on cloud nine right along with you.”
A trembling hand runs along my cheek.
“It’s why I used you the night of the dinner with Grigori. You freshly fucked would have any man understanding why I might be possessive and get caught up in your smile. But they would think it was what I said—hormones that would fade away after a few months. Only me enjoying my new toy. Except I swear it was all a lie. Every time we touch, that electricity is there because you are my other half. Our bodies recognize it and want only to fuse together, to become one. No woman has ever made me feel the way you do, no woman could ever make me feel this way.”
“What was going on between you and Anna?” she whispers as though she’s afraid to hear the answer.
Catching her behind her neck, I shake my head. “Not a fucking thing. She was attached to the charity because she was a former victim of trafficking. I got tired, so fucking tired of pretending with the women. Anna expressed her gratitude of me not trying to fuck her at the end of the night. I told her the truth, I never would because if I couldn’t have the woman I wanted—then I wouldn’t have any woman.”
Doubt fills her gray eyes. “Nothing at all for five months?
She isn’t going to leave me with a secret. Fine, she deserves them all. “I haven’t been with another woman since the day I met you.”
“For four years?” Eyes wide, she shakes her head in disbelief.
“It was actually one thousand, five hundred and fifty-four days that I went without a woman. There was no one for a few days before I met you, and there was never another woman until we made love. I existed for the day we could finally be together forever.”
Her eyes flare silver, so I keep going. “I tried. I didn’t like being so completely in your thrall. Yet I went through far too many hoops to get a woman who looked as close to you as possible, only for me to realize I didn’t want a woman who looked like you. I wantedyouand no other woman would do. If no one could touch you then no one could touch me either. The problem was the moment I laid eyes on you, you were mine. You belonged to me. What you somehow never understood, my beautiful Celia, is that I belonged to you too. This goes both ways. Four years, today, ten years from now until I draw my last breath, I am yours.”
She blinks and tears roll down her beautiful face again. “I loved you the moment I met you too, but I was so afraid that you were like all the mafia men I had encountered, especially Carlo. I would love you and you wouldn’t love me back. That you would take me over and leave me…or worse, not leave me and cheat the way all the men did, and I would take it because I couldn’t—wouldn’t leave you. Then the love would become all twisted up.”
I allow my forehead to fall against hers. “I’m sorry for playing on your fears. I swear if I thought there was another way—I would have done it. For almost six months after the week you spent with me I considered walking away. All I wanted was to be with you again the way we both wanted. We could go where no one knew who we were or what we did. You’d run your practice and I’d find something to do to keep busy. A life that was ours alone…”
Her lips meet mine in a gentle press. “We both would have been miserable. I don’t want you to walk away from this life, it’s our life now. It’s who we are. It would be like trying to change our hair color—we could keep it up for a while, we might even like it, but eventually the work it would take to maintain would turn us weary and resentful. You are the life I want and you are Bratva. I love you, Milos Levin. Every part of you, even when you make me crazy and sad, I’ll take all of them because the good parts aren’t simply good, they’re better than all the rest.”
Thank god. “Ya tebya lublyu tebya. Navsedga moy.” I whisper against her lips.
She nods. “I love you too. Forever yours.”
Celia
Lying in Milos’s arms,floating in waves of pleasure, I marvel at everything I learned tonight. I can’t help wondering if I’m dreaming. Odd how life could be. I was sure the moment I found out I was pregnant would be the beginning of our end. Instead, it was everything I needed.
I give in. Good girls get what we ask for. “Milos?”
