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I picked a table near the window and unwound the baby carrier from my body, so that I could hold Daniela easily in my lap. She was nearly capable of sitting up by now and she was curious as hell.
Steve sat watching her with a smile on his face. “Haven’t told anyone else yet, but Kenny’s about five weeks gone.”
It took a long moment for the penny to drop and when it did I shook my head at my best friend. “Congratulations, man. You two are the best parents. Bet you’re so happy.” I couldn’t help but grin. I’d always known Steve would be a great dad, and I knew it bothered Kennedy that Tegan might be an only child, considering neither of them were exactly young.
“Yeah…forty-six years old with an infant and a two-year-old. The fuck was I thinking, starting so late?” He rubbed at one eye and grinned. “Not that you’re doing much better.”
He sipped his coffee and watched Daniela on my lap, setting his cup off to the left as he appeared to think about something. Whatever it was, he dismissed the thought because he started snapping the fingers of his left hand and watching Daniela intently.
“You guys find her a pediatrician yet?” he asked, and I thought his voice sounded like he was forcing it to be casual. “She should be coming up on her six-month checkup by now, right? More or less?”
I didn’t answer. I was too busy watching him watch my daughter, concern creeping across his face.
“Spit it out,” I finally said and he stopped fiddling with the sugar packets he was tapping on the table, outside Daniela’s field of vision.
“You ever noticed that she’s real quiet?” he asked, as if something had just occurred to him. “I mean, incredible baby. Quiet, patient, sweet…doesn’t ever cry. That’s weird, right?”
I could feel the pins and needles of adrenaline start to prickle beneath my skin as I watched him drum his fingers on the table while Daniela stayed completely absorbed with the woven pattern on the cuff of my sweatshirt.
“I’m just saying…” He trailed off, swallowing hard and grimacing. “I don’t know how to say this, man.” He continued drumming his fingers and he didn’t have to say what was running through my head.
For the first time I couldn’t ignore the fact that my daughter wasn’t just a sweet, even-tempered, mild-mannered baby. All signs had pointed, for a very long time, to the possibility she couldn’t hear a thing.
Two days later, there was no doubt in my mind that Daniela was deaf. I’d performed a number of very unscientific tests before I drove to Sacred Heart and demanded to see Sister Emanuelle, since she wasn't returning my calls..
“I need Daniela’s medical records,” I demanded and the woman’s face screwed up in a grimace, probably out of irritation that we’d reverted back to her original name.
“She hasn’t any,” she answered shortly and I gave her a withering look.
“Doesn’t have any, or you won’t produce them?”
“We have…parted ways with the doctor previously on staff for our children.” She paused to clear her throat and there was an expression of distaste on her face. “There were some differences of opinion.”
“He can’t keep their medical records!” I was getting more and more riled up.
The sister looked distinctly uncomfortable. “The childhasno medical records, Mr. Beckman. I’m afraid that was something beyond my control.”
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if Madelyn had suddenly been approved to adopt the baby, with or without me, when someone discovered the truth about Daniela. It was enough to put off most bright-eyed, idealistic couples looking to adopt but it certainly wouldn’t have been enough to put off Madelyn, and this woman knew it.
“You tricked us–tricked her. You kept that information quiet because you knew it would make Daniela that much harder to adopt.”
The baby squirmed to be let down but I wrapped her in my arms instead, feeling dangerously emotional, and I lifted her, kissing her sweet little face. It was something she didn’t fight or fuss over, deciding instead to put little arms around my neck and lean into my shoulder.
“There were mistakes made,” the sister said slowly. “However, the decision made was for the best of the child. I am certain, Mr. Beckman, that you and your wife will give this child everything it is she needs, and a physical infirmity will not cause you to love her any less.”
She was right. If anyone wanted Daniela, they’d have to rip my arms off to get to her. Somehow Madelyn’s dream had become my own and though I’d had only a tiny window of time with them, suddenly I couldn’t imagine life any differently.
I called Steve from the truck and asked him for a recommendation for a pediatrician, since he had access to a pretty vast network. After all, I knew what to expect: lots of doctor visits. Specialist visits. Everyone would have kind words and recommendations, and on the way home we stopped at the little bookstore in town and I picked up the one book they had on American Sign Language because I was going to get out ahead of this thing, damn it. How far behind were we already?
I spent the next several days and nights worrying about how to tell Madelyn. She was an overachiever, a fixer, and she would see this as something she had to handle on her own.
That night I sat in Daniela’s room while she slept, a small lamp illuminating the book in my hands as I tried to contort my fingers into the necessary shapes to form the alphabet. I had to start somewhere, even if it meant spelling out each word the long way, and I practiced until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
It was getting late and I was on shift early the next morning, so I tucked the book under one of the pillows on the small daybed and kissed the baby, who hardly stirred in her sleep.
Bailey had decided that when Madelyn wasn’t home, he needed to sleep on her side of the bed and I knew it was because he’d become quickly attached and missed her, because he couldn’t have cared less if I snuggled him in my sleep.
To be clear, that was exactly what I did.
