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You’re everything, baby. I love you so much.
I was nothing, and his mind would be changed soon. Maybe he could fall in love with me because of Daniela, but without her there would be nothing to hold us together. He’d be back to Jess in no time, the woman who could give him everything if gossip could be believed, and the grapevine was positively electric with it. I had no doubt I could thank Leia for most of that, since it seemed she didn’t have much better to do, and I had no doubt Jess was doing her part to perpetuate it as well.
Kennedy had heard whispers from one of her sisters-in-law, which guaranteed gossip had already spread far. Then again, Watertown wasn’t exactly a thriving metropolis so it wasn’t like news had far to travel. It could be across town after being whispered in just a few of the right ears.
Adam was up early for work and when he stumbled into the kitchen to start the coffee there was the sweetest, sleepiest smile on his face. It made him so beautiful and lovable, and all I wanted to do was rush into his arms and let him fold himself around me. If I thought he’d been living in my heart for decades, I hadn’t been prepared for the way he’d weave himself into every fiber of my heart and soul in just a few months. Now he was such a part of me, he was my heartbeat and my breath, waking and sleeping and everything in between. To think of losing that–losing him–made sharp knives of anxiety and terror pierce my heart.
I needed to tell him what was coming for us; it was something I was sure we wouldn’t survive, because without Daniela I was certain there was no “we.” He loved her so much, I didn’t want to take away a single one of the precious moments he spent with her.
My favorite part of the day was hearing his low, sweet words to her each morning when I pulled her from her crib and he cuddled her to his chest when I brought her to him.
Then in the afternoons, when he arrived home, his first stop was always at her playpen. If she wasn’t there his eyes scanned the kitchen for her bouncy seat, and he’d rush off to her room to see if she was in her crib.
Adam as a father was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. Something about the huge man cradling the tiny girl in his arms lit my ovaries on fire and I’m telling you, those bitches were pulling overtime in the egg factory. I was a raging, hormonal mess, ready to rip off his clothes the instant he walked in the door and it hadn’t taken any convincing to get me naked the night before. I’d meant to resist him and had purposely spent a great deal of time in the shower, but it took him no time to break me down.
The two of them were thick as thieves. Adam intrinsically spoke whatever language it was Daniela understood, and though I felt like we had a bond, her bond with Adam was stronger. I’d have been jealous if it wasn’t so absolutely precious, and it filled a hole in my chest I hadn’t known was there.
Apparently I’d wanted domesticity and motherhood after all, but I dared not let that slip to Grams. I’d never hear the end of it.
“Adam.” My voice trembled as I geared up to tell him what I’d learned in Manhattan.
“It’s ok.” His face crumpled a little. “I know…I shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand.”
What was he talking about? I waited, hoping he would continue.
“I’m sorry if I…took things too far last night.”
Why in the hell was he apologizing for that?
“You were feeling…I don’t know. Fragile? And I hope you didn’t feel like I was trying to take advantage of that.” He looked so remorseful. “I woke up around two and you weren’t there…and at first I thought maybe you’d gone to Daniela, or that maybe I’d scared you off.”
There was no way he could think that, was there?
“Adam,” I started again. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
He looked stricken.
“You’re not going to like it and I should have told you a long time ago.”
His hands went to the top of his head, fingers threading through his hair, like he needed to hold himself together.
“Just don’t tell me that I’m only here for Daniela.” His voice was deep and scratchy, like I’d wounded him so deeply that it affected his voice box, and there was an expression on his face that I’d never seen before.
“I wouldn’t ever do that to you.” My own voice was low and vehement, because how could he think so little of me? “Why would you think that?”
“Let’s just say I’ve been used before.” The hurt was gone and in its place was something hard and angry; something that wasn’t my fault.
I’d married a childhood friend, someone I’d known and loved my whole life, and in seconds he’d become a complete stranger.
“I wouldn’t.” It was all I could get out. Didn’t he know that I understood?
“So what was that?” His face was tight. “What happened between us last night–the last few months, when youwerewilling to touch me–was that all for show? Keep me around for a minute, until the adoption goes through?”
My jaw dropped.What the fuck?
“Yeah.” He moved quickly to the other counter and filled a cup of coffee, not bothering with the half and half I’d put out. “I should have known better, right?”
I stood there, shocked. Why was he so angry?
