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One by one our little entourage finished eating, congratulated us, and left us sitting at the table by ourselves, a few gifts piled up on the edge. Daniela was sound asleep on the bench, worn out from being passed from one person to the next.
There was a fearfully empty feeling in my chest as I looked up at Adam, my fingers rubbing a slow circular pattern on the baby’s back.
“Will you be coming home tonight?” I could hear the hopefulness in my own voice.
“Do you want me there?” He looked wary.
“You’re my husband; of course I want you there.” I laughed weakly.
“Am I there to babysit, or am I there for you?” he asked, and my jaw dropped.
“You’re there to be her father, like you promised.”
“Yes, I recall a number of promises.”
I looked down in shame. “You’re angry with me because I didn’t tell you what I suspected.”
“I’m not angry, Madelyn, I’m hurt. You don’t know my history with Jess, but she made promises to me too–worked hard to make me think we could have something together–then betrayed me in some of the worst ways.”
He had to know that wasn’t me; that I’d never do that to him.
“How do I know you won’t do that, now that you have what you want?” he asked softly, his eyes searching mine.
My heart felt like it might burst.
“Because without you, I don’t have what I want,” I said slowly. Emotional confessions were, for me, like pulling teeth without a numbing agent. “I have been in love with you since I was ten years old, Beckman.” I knew my eyes were shiny. “Every date you went on, I was so jealous. All those girls who got to sit next to you and hold your hand…” I let the words trail off, aware of how completely childish I sounded.
“And?” he asked quietly.
“And when you offered to marry me so we could adopt Daniela, I thought maybe it gave me a chance.”
“A chance at what?” He had me absolutely pinned with his gaze.
“A chance at getting you to fall in love with me, because I knew you would fall in love with Daniela.”
He laughed, a short, sharp sound. “So you were willing to use our daughter to get to me.”
“Yes. I mean no. I mean that wasn’t my plan from the beginning, but it was something that I thought might handily work out to my benefit more than once. I could have everything I wanted, all at the same time.” I shrugged slowly. “I jumped at my chance.”
“Me too,” he admitted slowly, and I looked up at him in surprise. “I jumped at my chance to get something I’d never thought could be mine.”
He reached across the small space between us in slow motion, and his eyes softened as his fingers slipped into my hair, his palm resting against my face.
“My best friend’s little sister.” He grinned at me. “Who would have thought that was the beginning of the end? I didn’t figure it out as fast as you did, but you grew on me. And once you got in here…” He tapped the side of his head with the fingers of his other hand. “There was no getting you out, you stubborn woman.”
He paused for a moment. Then, “It’s what pushed Jess away. She said I’d always carried a torch for you and that she wasn’t willing to be second best, so she went out and found someone else who’d put her first–at least for a time.” He shrugged. “It was supposed to be a marriage of convenience, but it hurt when I found out. I suppose it wounded my pride.” He lifted his shoulders again.
“Are you still sleeping with her?” I asked quietly, the words like acid on my tongue.
“Hell, no.” He laughed, a genuinely humored sound. “When I found out the baby wasn’t mine, things were immediately over.”
“Kennedy said the two of you had…an understanding…for a while.”
“Divorce wasn’t finalized yet,” he said simply. “She’s beautiful and I was weak…lonely.”
That felt icky.
“You can’t think I want her back.” He scoffed disbelievingly.
