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“You think I don’t know that?” My snap cut through the dense atmosphere, and I frowned darkly as my heart stabilized. Rubbing my belly absently, I flopped back on the bed to drag my other hand over the empty, cold spot next to me. “Honestly, what’s the point of being distracted by placating Brandon if I’m going to end up dead, regardless? I just don’t want Mason to be the one to kill me. I’m going to die on my terms, not to spite Mason but to save myself. The sooner I kill him, the sooner I can decide what to do next.”
“... I knew you didn’t give up.” Something akin to pride shimmered in his face, and I glanced over as a small smile tilted Nathan’s thick lips. “You may be prepared to kill yourself, but you would rather you didn’t have to.”
“... Sorta.” Covering my bump with both my hands, I blustered a sigh as I trained my gaze on the ceiling. “I’m tired. Truly, I’m so tired, and I’m so frustrated, and I want off the island... but do Iwantto die? No. I just can’t go through being alone again. Julia told me ‘that’s the circumstances talking’ when I said I wasn’t going to survive this, and she was right. I feel a lot better right in this moment than I did a few days ago because I stood up for myself, and IknowI can do the job myself... It’s just...”
“To get there, you had to crack Brandon like an egg and fry him so he wouldn’t fuck you over trying to overturn your decisions.”
I grunted lowly in agreement; a frown dragged down my face as my heart throbbed harshly.
“Brandon made it pretty damn clear that he was going to be in charge, even though he doesn’t have the wherewithal to make the decisions that have to be made, Katie. It doesn’t make you bad to force your way to that position by breaking him down. He doesn’t understand, and gullible leaders are the worst leaders.”
“I don’t feel bad for anything I’ve said or done to him. That’s not it.” Sitting up with a smalloomph, I licked my lips heavily as my chest tightened. “I don’t know if Brandon has the willpower to pull himself out of what this is going to do to us. I don’t know if he has the capacity to forgive me for outright murdering Mason. And... if I want to get brutal about it... I don’t know if I want him to.”
“Some part of you hopes you can overcome this, though. Otherwise, why would you dream about him? Even though it’s a great time, it’s still your subconscious trying to keep your hope alive.”
I didn’t really have a response to that; for some reason, my mind was crystal clear, my emotions completely in check, and I couldthink. I could really, deeply think about things, not just the immediate plan to... not die by Mason’s hand. Putting my hand on my belly, I closed my eyes briefly and inhaled a sharp breath.
“I don’t have time to hope. I have until this baby can survive outside me. That’s why I’m trying to get this over with. I’m okay with putting in the work, but Brandon needs to make a concerted effort, and I don’t know if he can. If there’s a high chance he’ll just give up, there’s no point in trying to prolong it. I’m not going to suffer the uncertainty of how bad things can truly get again. I’m not going to be a statistic. I’m not going to lose my baby to Brandon if he pushes for a divorce, and I’m not going to let my baby grow up without a dad. We do this together, or we don’t do it at all. There’s no in-between for me.” My baby wiggled and wormed, and my frown softened as I flexed my palm against my bump. “I don’t care what that makes me. It wouldn’t matter, anyway. And I don’t care what happens to Brandon afterwards because I’ll be dead. I may have lied about who I was, but he didn’t, and I fell in love with him. You either love someone enough to fight for them, or you love them enough to let them go. If he won’t fight for me, I’ll let him go.”
“Maybe I have a coupon for a free beginner’s class somewhere. You wanna go outside and get some air?”
Nodding, I stood up, and Nathan opened the door for me and arched a brow.
“No chair?”
“... It seems like a lot longer than three days, doesn’t it?”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as Brandon spoke up, leaning on the wall directly across from the open doorway. He looked... different. His eyes were still bloodshot, his face still raw from tears, but there wassomethingswirling in his eyes that I had never seen before. His gaze held me captive, and my heart leapt into my throat at the hard set of his jaw.
“Bert called me begging for help. Said Mason threatened to kill him, but he won’t go to the police or lock himself out and resign.”
“The police are reactionary. They can’t do anything about it, anyway. And if he resigns and locks himself out, Mason’s going to kill him. What did you say?”
Caution alarms blared in my head when Brandonstalkedacross the wide hallway. Stepping into the room, he gestured Nathan to leave, and I slowly sat down on the bed again. The quiet was ominous, and goosebumps blanketed my arms and legs when Brandon inhaled deeply.
“I can forgive you.”
My brows rose, a scoff automatically flying between lips parted in shock, but Brandon was quick to hold up a hand. Before I could even really be offended by that, he was talking again, his voice raspy but strong.
“I’m stupid and juvenile, and I need to grow up. I can forgive you for killing Mason. I can forgive you for lying to me all this time. I can forgive you for wanting to kill me. You’re my wife, but I’ve been acting like you’re a drowning dog... like you couldn’t possibly be able to save yourself. I have been a horrible husband, and I didn’t consider us a team... I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, but I didn’t trust anyone else because anyone else isn’t me. That’s why— that’s why I’m hoping that you’ll be willing to work with me and help me to be better... not... not just say it to make myself feel better and give myself an out if something goes wrong.”
The longer he talked, the smaller his voice got, until it was trembling slightly, and Brandon’s shoulders were practically inside his ear canals. His slight rambling came to an abrupt end, and I slumped back a little as the full force of it weighed on me.
“Why did you change your mind?”
Brandon frowned under deeply furrowed brows, very carefully thinking— not just spewing out whatever emotional response he had. “Because... you are more important to me than anything. You and our baby. And I realized just now... I’ve never had anything important to me, so I was scared to ruin it, but I’m more scared of losing you. Change means more than signing a piece of paper and expecting others to deal with the rest. It’s not everyone else’s job to force me to change for the better. It’s my job to force me.”
For the first time, maybe ever, Brandon was at risk of losing something hewantedin a life where he never wanted for anything. My heart grew full at the determination blazing in his eyes, no matter how flimsy it was. He was willing to try,reallytry, and that was all I needed. All this heartache, the resistance and doubts, and the fighting and isolation really was for a reason.
“Okay. I’m going to try if you will, Brandon.”
His shoulders jerked a little when he shivered, and I stood up to walk over to him. Wrapping my arms around him, I smiled faintly when some of the tension released from his body. Cupping the back of my head, Brandon pressed his lips to my crown, and I hummed softly as pride threatened to choke me.
ChapterSixteen
BRANDON
“Go on.”
