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He’d been showing me the whole time that he valued me beyond a simple contract, but I’d been too scared to see it. Too terrified of being hurt to admit that Conner could never be like my father. I’d seen what I wanted to see in order to protect myself, and in doing so, I’d hurt the man who’d stood loyally at my side. The man who kept his birth mother’s rosary beads on his dresser and knew his grandmother’s favorite candy treat. If I’d looked closely, I would have seen that the duty he felt was purely by virtue of the family he worked with. The people, not the organization, were important to him.
What have I done?
I had to fix it, but how? I wiped away the salty remnants of my tears and looked around the empty apartment. I needed to talk to Conner and apologize. He wouldn’t want me to leave, so I’d have to call him and hope he answered.
Grabbing the phone he’d given me, I dialed my husband’s number. The alcohol had long since leached from my system, and in its place was a blossoming sense of determination.
“Yes.” His voice was as hard as polished steel, yet my eyes drifted shut at the relief that he’d taken my call.
“I wasn’t supposed to be with her that day,” I began, deciding to give him everything I had and hope it was enough. “I had vocal coaching on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but she’d asked me to go with her to visit Uncle Agostino. I could tell she seemed anxious, so I agreed. As soon as we were in the car, she began to tell me how she’d overheard my dad plotting to kill my uncle. How Dad had been furious for years that Agostino outmaneuvered Dad for the role of boss. Dad was outraged when Renzo was promoted to underboss last year at only twenty-seven years old. He felt it was his due, and from that day on, he began to plot his takeover. I could tell Mom was terrified. She told me that she had to warn her brother, but every muscle in her body was tense from the fear of the repercussions. I remember it like it was yesterday,” I whispered, my mind replaying the scene in vivid detail as tears trailed down my cheeks.
“I don’t know how he knew she’d be in the car that day or how he made it happen, but once we were on the freeway, her foot started pounding on the brake pedal. Nothing happened. We kept going faster and faster. She had to weave around cars, the whole time chanting, ‘Oh God. He knows.’ The crash happened in slow motion. Someone didn’t see us speeding up and moved into our lane. Mom swerved, lost control, and we spun. And spun. Until the car wrapped around a light pole on the driver’s side.” I had to pause for air. I couldn’t seem to get enough air. “There was so much blood. She’d never had a chance.” My eyes closed to shut out the gruesome sight, and when they opened again, Conner was there, standing in the entry.
“You came back,” I breathed, the phone slowly falling away from my ear.
“I never made it past the lobby. I didn’t want to leave you alone.” He was here, but his face was still set in harsh angles, his body rigid with restraint.
“You were right. My dad has hurt me and used threats of hurting Sante to control me. Every day since my mom died has been a nightmare. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I was scared that if you knew, you’d put yourself in danger, and I’d already lost …” My breath hitched. I swallowed back the emotion and pushed myself to continue. “I’d already lost one person I cared deeply about. I couldn’t lose another.” I stood but didn’t approach him. “I’d never been close to my father, but what he did was such a betrayal. I never imagined he was capable of hurting us like that. It made me scared—of him and of being hurt like that again. But you were right; you’re not like him. I never would have given myself to you if, deep down, I’d ever believed you were. You would never hurt me,” I whispered. “And I’m so sorry I hurt you.” I held out my arms at my sides, my face stained with tears. “So here I am, giving you everything. This is me. All of me. No more secrets.”
Time stood still.
Conner’s eyes burned with intensity.
“Take off your clothes.” His voice was devoid of emotion, but I wasn’t scared. I would do anything he asked to repair what I’d broken.
I lifted my shirt over my head and dropped it to the floor. Then my bra, jeans, and panties. Until I stood naked before him. No doubts. No reservations.
“On your knees.” His black command licked down my spine.
I obeyed without hesitation.
“Now close your eyes.” This time softer. Almost hypnotic.
My lids dropped shut as my ears pricked at the sound of him finally coming closer until he was there, sinister and seething like an angry viper.
“Why did your father volunteer you for the alliance?”
The question surprised me, but I didn’t show it. I simply gave what he asked. “I think because he wants the connection to help him solidify his role as a boss once he kills my uncle and cousin. He doesn’t want to risk the capos supporting anyone else.”
“Is he still plotting to kill the Donatis?” The question was cold and detached.
“I think so. I talked to Sante, and he seemed worried. He wouldn’t say why, but I think my dad has started making plans again. He had to put everything on hold after Mom died so he didn’t raise suspicions.”
Silence nipped at me from all directions. A primal instinct within writhed at the vulnerability and pleaded for me to take a small peek at my surroundings, but I paid it no heed.
“Stand up,” Conner finally instructed from nearby, slowly circling around me.
I rose to my feet, swaying the tiniest bit from the headiness of the situation.
“Had you been kissed before me?”
“Yes,” I whispered, not holding back like I’d done the first time he’d asked.
“How many?”
“Two.”
“Did they touch you here?”
