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“I hope so,” Onyx signs to me, but Dusk just shakes his head.
Moving to my big warrior, I take Dusk’s face in my hand and force him to look at me. “We’ll get Phantom back. We’ll fix all of this. There’s a way, I know it.”
His gaze holds mine and he leans forward and presses a light kiss onto my lips. But I think he’s more trying to get me to drop this than because he feels better, which hurts. Still, I release him and glance at the grave one more time, trying to dig deep and hold onto my sense of hope. For me, as well as for these men who desperately need me.
Rayne places his hand at the small of my back, and then we all make our way back to the cave. There, they build up the fire once more and start a soup over the flames of mostly things they’d collected while we walked. It’s the same thing we’ve had many, many times now, but I’m still looking forward to it. All this work with so little food is hard at times.
“They shouldn’t be back tonight,” Rayne says, and he’s probably right. It takes the Shadow King a great deal of his energy to protect his creatures in this world because it’s too light, and so when he sends over a lot of them, like he did last night, we’re usually safe for a day or two.
We hope, at least.
It takes all the strength we have to journey to the river nearby and bathe, change our clothes, and tend to the guys’ wounds from the battle. By then, night has fully fallen and the soup is ready, so we all sit in the safety of the cave, our light and smoke mostly hidden by the leafy branches we place over the entrance. Inside, the fire chases away the chill of the night and we gather around the fire and eat our soup in silence. Again, the flavor… mostly of mushrooms and herbs, some carrots and onions, isn’t much, but I almost want to cry when it hits my stomach and I feel full for the first time all day.
Not much hunting has gotten done since Phantom was taken from us.
“Should we talk about the elephant in the room?” Rayne asks, ruffling his short, light brown hair awkwardly.
Onyx and Dusk frown and exchange a glance, then look at me. I actually smile. They probably have no idea what an elephant is. “He means we should talk about what the elder said,” I explain, while trying to sign the words.
They nod but won’t look at me or Rayne.
I understand. The Shadow King has an army and they’re killing us. Literally. There’s a fucking graveyard that proves it. But what the elder said… how can we possibly do that? How can we possibly ask Rayne to risk his life for all of us?
“He said there was only one way–” Rayne begins.
“But there could be others that we haven’t figured out yet,” I tell him without thinking.
Dusk stares at his hands as he answers me. “And you think we have time to waste?”
I feel sick. Of course, I know we’re running out of time. Of course, I know that the fate of both of our worlds rests on defeating the Shadow King, his beasts, and fixing things with Phantom, but that doesn’t change the way I feel.
Rayne sighs, and his light blue eyes meet mine. “I have to do this, Ann. The elder said…”
I shake my head because I just can’t lose him again. “No, Rayne.”
When Rayne died, a part of me died too. And when his ghost found a new body, and he and my shadow beasts accepted each other, I felt like I could handle anything life threw at me as long as I had them. This was love. This was the family I always needed.
I can’t lose him again.
But I can’t give up on Phantom either.
“The elder said if I don’t go into the Shadow King, then you’ll lose all of us.” Rayne is the only one who can take over the king’s body, and I know it, but I can’t trade one of my men for another. Not Rayne. Not Dusk. Not Onyx. None of them. We have to find a different way to get the king to take the shard out of Phantom.
I glance at Onyx, and slowly he begins to sign, “I wish I could do this. I wish it wasn’t up to Rayne. But he is a warrior, and I will not take away his right to decide for himself what he’ll do.”
A warrior. I see Rayne stare at the other man in shock. They really have come a long way, but to call Rayne a warrior is the ultimate compliment between these men.
Then, Rayne looks at me. “Right now, if things continue, we’ll be defeated. Maybe not tonight, but soon. And when we are, everything and everyone we’ve ever known or loved will be lost. Could I really live with myself if I let that happen?”
My stomach clenches and I tear my gaze from. He’s right. But I hate that he’s right.
“I can’t give my blessing on this,” I say, feeling so tired, not just from battle, but from this life. “I just want us all to be happy together.”
Onyx taps my shoulder and gives me one of his rare smiles as he signs slowly. “We don’t have to decide right now. We have the night, at least. We should eat and rest. We don’t know how long we have before the next attack.” I can’t take my eyes off of him. There’s something beautiful in that man’s smile, something that eases a little of the ache in my heart.
“You’re right. Let’s not talk about it tonight. Let’s just rest.”
And Onyx… looks relieved.
