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You know, if she doesn't go running from us the first chance she gets.
He hesitates. “She was actually raised mostly by her mother and stepfather, both of whom are fae, and she doesn't tell people about her human heritage. It would be looked down upon." His face says he wants to tell us more, but maybe something he shouldn't say. After a moment though, he continues, "When she was young, her stepfather abused her. Broke her bones. Gave her scars. Made her feel like... garbage.” Anger flashes over his face, but he doesn’t elaborate any further. Not that he needs to.
Sharp points of rage stab through me.Someone hurt our Ann?
“She has problems trusting now.” His pointed stare is directed at me. "She acts tough, but she doesn't feel worthy of love. She doesn't feel worthy of much."
And it's obvious by the way he's looking at me that he's trying to get me to understand why this situation is so difficult for her. Trying to justify why Ann can't seem to just accept that we're her mates... too.
It works. The anger fades. At her, anyway. But I would love to get my hands on that bastard stepfather who hurt her. I would kill him. And Dusk nods as if he can read my thoughts and agrees. Phantom’s hands are clenched and his eyes are closed. I know him as well as I know myself. He’s imagining tearing the son of a bitch apart, one chunk at a time.
“We understand. At least, a little. But she’s not the only one who’s been hurt. Who’s lost someone.” Dusk's expression is as solemn as he ever gets.
“We can keep her safe.” I don’t know if Phantom is trying to reassure Rayne or if he’s asking permission. “All of us,” he adds the words and Dusk and I nod. We can keep her safest.
Rayne smiles. “She’ll appreciate that.”
Sadness aches through me. I don’t want her to want to be with us because we can keep her safe. I want her to want to be with us because… it’s a desire deep inside of her, the way it is for me, for us.
Rayne hesitates, then continues. "And maybe you guys can talk to her soon. You know, get this all sorted out."
"I thought you and Ann were going to leave?" Phantom says, speaking my thoughts aloud.
He shakes his head. "No, Ann and I are here for as long as she wants to be here."
Wants to be here.And how long will that be? Never long enough for us, that's for sure.
"She wants to talk about this mate bond stuff too," Rayne continues, flashing a hesitant smile.
Talk about the mate bond?A spark of excitement and hope rises in my chest, no matter how much I don't want to react to his words. Yes, that's what we need to do. Talk about settling everything between us, because it’s time we complete the mate bond, and maybe we can get her to see that.
But before we do that, I’m going to speak to the elder and find out everything I can about the mating bond and everything it entails. Maybe when Ann says yes, if she says yes, we'll then be able to proceed without any trouble.
I hope.
NINE
Ann
Okay,so there's officially no reason not to create the mating bond with my men. Rayne has given me permission, and even though I wouldn't normally consider myself someone who needs permission for anything, I realize I did this time. A huge part of why I was refusing to let myself feel this connection to my shadow beasts is because I felt like I was betraying Rayne. And the other reason was because some part of me had already accepted that I'd never love again. Like most people who lose their mate, I'd closed that part of myself off.
I know deep down that Rayne might not be here forever. I don't want to think about him not being with me, but I also can't plan my life around what the world does with his ghost. Whether he finds a way to be with me for the rest of our lives or he disappears tonight, there's no reason to pretend I don't love Onyx, Dusk, and Phantom.
Now, I just need them to understand that. And to be okay with Rayne being with me too, as long as he can be.
And as crazy as it is, I'm nervous to speak the words. To officially agree to this connection between us. To navigate Rayne and them, and make sure I don't screw up with anyone.
Not that I'm accepting that I'm the answer to this whole war. Not even for a second. But I'm no fool. I did something on that battlefield. My light, my ability to find the shards, it's all useful. And if the prophecy suggested I could help win the war, well, it isn't wrong in that regard. Just not that I'll be some savior of us all. I don't think I'm that by any means.
But I can't avoid facing all these hard conversations any longer, so I'm not.
It’s almost evening when I finish bathing in the river and return to the cave in clean clothes, apparently gifted to me by the only female shadow beast on earth, which I really appreciated. I’m refreshed, ready to face them, to make my position clear, to help them understand why things have happened as they did and what we do from here. My plan is to be clear about what I want, who I am, how important they all are to me. Most specifically, how much I want and need them. This is going to be an all-the-cards-on-the-table kind of night because if I can make sure they know how crucial they all are to me, maybe they can accept one another, accept Rayne.
The cave is alive when I walk inside, with light and the smell of food cooking over the fire, along with the sounds of voices that are low and not angry. My eyes adjust to what my brain is saying I see, and I smile. They’re talking, sitting together, eating. I stand frozen for a second, so I can take it all in.
I don’t have to fake my smile as Onyx brushes past me, takes a plate, and serves himself a slice of the fresh bread with his scoop of stew. I move to sit between Dusk and Phantom, across from Rayne, who offers me a nod and a soft smile, while Dusk eats like this is his first meal, or maybe his last, I'm not sure. Then, Onyx surprises me by handing me his plate of food and goes to make himself another one. After a minute, I feel a little of the pressure ease from my chest, then begin eating like a woman who hasn’t been fed in a lifetime.
"This actually isn't half-bad," Rayne says, giving them a teasing smile.
