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“I think you’d like it if I kissed you here.” He almost mumbles his words when he catches me staring at him. They’re spoken so low and nearly absently.
His lips brush along my neck and desire sweeps through my body unexpectedly. Both of my hands move up to his chest and I push away from his overwhelming touch with my lips parted, my breath stolen.
He blinks away the lust in his gaze and slowly a smile forms on his face. “I knew you’d like it.”
As I bite my lip, he leans forward cautiously, judging my reaction and then he does it again. His lips kiss over every part of my neck and up to the soft spot behind my ear.
…
And that’swhy I slept with Tyler. He said and did everything that made sleeping with him feel like it was right and meant to be.
As soon as we started walking back to his truck, that sick feeling returned. And I began to think that tomorrow he’d be different. That he’d gotten what he wanted, so he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.
But I was wrong again. He held me tighter. Talked to me sweeter. And loved me harder than before.
Tyler was patient. He didn’t look at me as if I was broken, but he treated me like breaking me would be the worst sin in the world.
I could never tell him no.
Even if I still thought of his brother in ways I shouldn’t have.
* * *
You shouldn’t compare lovers.
Certainly not brothers.
It was a fantasy come alive to feel Daniel’s skin against mine. To finally know what it’s like to writhe under him.
But that’s all he can ever be. A fantasy.
One that I’m prolonging by letting the days blend together in a whirlwind of alcohol and sex. He messages me where to meet and I go. We drink. We fuck. There are no more awkward conversations of our past, but the reminder stays deep in the pit of my stomach.
I’m not stupid. Daniel’s no good. And this thing between us is merely two people giving in to a pipe dream we had long ago.
It’s all-consuming and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But the moment this cloud of lust and bliss dissipates, I’ll be left with the sobering truth.
I’ve given myself to a man who’s only ever seen me as a plaything.
I’ve slept with someone who should truly hate me for being the reason his brother is dead.
And the events I’ve allowed to occur are something that should shame me for a lifetime.
There’s no getting around those hard facts. But it’s nice to ignore them for a while and in the moments when Daniel’s with me, it feels different. It feels like nothing else exists.
And when your world is made of nothing but painful memories you’re constantly trying to outrun, it’s a relief for nothing else to exist.
Well, nothing but this flutter in my chest and this ache between my thighs. I love it. I love feeling this way even if nervousness and tiny bits of fear creep in.
It was better than I ever could have imagined. Even when I woke up alone in the morning. Even as I took the bus home with my hair a mess and still in the clothes from the night before.
A walk of shame had never felt so fucking good.
I bite down on my lip to keep the smile on my face from being too smug.
It was something I know I’ll regret, but right now all I’m going to do is love this horrible mistake.
