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Some people you’re meant to miss.
They’re just no good for you.
I think the words, but I don’t know if I really feel them.
With that thought in mind I move to where the picture frame lays facedown on the ground and lift it carefully. Luckily there’s no broken glass.
I almost feel okay as I turn it over to inspect the frame.
But then I see the picture that fell. One I took myself, five years ago.
A still life of Tyler’s rusty old truck.
And that’s when I lose it all over again. I’m forced to come to terms with the fact that some wounds never heal. And they aren’t meant to be forgotten.
CHAPTER24
Daniel
The phone rings and rings as I throw a zipped up bag into the corner with the rest of the luggage. I’ve packed light for years, but it’s never bothered me before.
Looking at the small pile that comprises everything I own, I’ve never felt so worthless. Or so tired. I didn’t sleep at all.
The phone goes silent and instead of calling Addison again, I scroll to Carter’s number and call him. I could easily text him to let him know I’m on my way, but I don’t want to. I want him to hear the defeat in my voice. And I need to talk to someone. Someone real. I’m losing everything, slowly feeling it drain from me.
I need someone. Desperately. I stayed awake outside Addison’s apartment all night. I had to make sure she was okay. But time doesn’t wait, and I had to pack … and now I have to leave.
It only rings twice before he picks up, greeting me with my name although it comes out as a question. And I know why he’d be confused to see I’m calling him.
I don’t call anyone ever. I don’t care to talk to him or any of my brothers, and they’re the only ones alive I love.My brothers and Addison.
“Do you miss him?” I ask Carter without prefacing my question. “Not like Mom and Dad, where we knew it was coming and it made sense.” Carter tries to talk on the other end of the line, but I keep going, pinching the bridge of my nose and sitting on the end of the bed. It protests with my weight. “The kind of missing someone where it feels better to pretend they’re coming back? The kind of missing where you talk to them like they can hear you and it makes you feel better?” I know why I don’t go home. It’s because he’s there in my head. I know what home is, and he’s there. I refuse to accept otherwise. I can’t.
I tell him I’m sorry every time I’m reminded of him. I hate going south, too many old trucks. I could never tell the difference, but they were Tyler’s thing. He was an old soul like that.
“Every day,” Carter says as I sit there quietly.
“I did something,” I start to confess to Carter but stop myself. I’m too ashamed, so I settle on something else. “I ran into Addison.” Her name leaves me in a rush, taking all the air in my lungs with it.
“Tyler’s Addison? That’s what brought this up?” he questions me and I nod my head like an ass, as if he can see.
“Yeah,” I almost repeat,Tyler’s Addison. But she never belonged to him. As much as I love him, she was always mine. Maybe he was meant to be her first, but I’ll be her last. My throat tightens and my heart hammers in my chest. She’s not his anymore. She’s mine. And telling Carter feels like a betrayal of the worst kind. It feels like I’m telling Tyler. And as much as I thought it would be easy to admit it, I don’t want them to hate me. They have to understand.
“And?” Carter presses and I’m not sure where to begin.
“When I left … after Tyler died five years ago … when I left you and the family, I followed her.” The words spill from me. “Watching her cry made me feel normal. She gave me hope that I wasn’t broken, because she felt the same way. But she stopped crying, Carter. She moved on without me.”
“Daniel,” Carter warns and I hate him for it.
“You’ll listen to me,” I seethe with barely concealed anger. He will listen and accept it. There are no other options. I can’t have it end any other way. “I have no one.”
“You chose no one. You left us.”
“You know why.” They gave Tyler’s phone to Carter after the dust settled. Carter saw. He never spoke it out loud. But I was there and I know he saw that I was the one texting him.
I’m the one who led Tyler to his death.
“You didn’t have to go.” His voice is sincere, but soft and full of sympathy.
