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“Never,” I breathe out the word quickly, desperate for him to know how true it is. I love him. I love him more than he’ll ever know.
DEAN
“How many boxes?” I ask Allie as I pull the clear packaging tape down the center of the box.
“Fourteen,” she tells me, appearing from the kitchen doorway with a cup of tea in her hands. “It all fit in fourteen boxes,” she says, leaning her hip against the wall and then blowing over the cup.
She kept the empty cardboard boxes, breaking them down and stacking them neatly in the pantry. Like she knew she was going to need them before long.
Every time I’m reminded of why she came here, the very thing that brought her to me, my chest aches with a pain that runs deep. A pain I don’t think will ever leave me.
“You sure you don’t want a cup?” Her small voice carries into the room and snaps me out of the dark thought.
When I glance up at her, ready to say no again, the hint of happiness is on her face. Or maybe it’s hope. With her hair draped over her shoulders and wearing nothing but a pair of panties and one of my old rugby shirts, she looks perfect. The shirt clings to the middle of her waist when she stands like that. Everything about her makes me want to take her into my arms and never let go.
Partly because she needs it, but mostly because I need her.
“Maybe I will,” I tell her and drop the roll of tape on the floor, turning the box upright. We have two boxes packed and within just a few hours, Allie’s place will be cleared out. I want to pretend we were never here and rewrite our story, but that’s life. You don’t get to rewrite it.
As I stand, my back cracks and my stiff neck and shoulders ache. I haven’t slept for shit, not since I got out of jail and I don’t think I will again until we leave this place, this city … all of it. A fresh start is what we want and need. Wherever that might take us.
Her bare feet pad against the floor as she heads back into the kitchen.
I follow the sound of her running the faucet and then opening and closing the microwave. She’s in front of it, gripping the counter and staring absently ahead when I walk in.
“Allie Cat.” I barely speak her name. Her green eyes search for mine instantly. Every time I move or speak, she’s there waiting for me, on edge and waiting for something. That’s the way it’s been since I’ve been back here. It’s like she’s afraid I’m going to run or that one day I’ll wake up and think she isn’t worth it. That loving her costs too much. It fucking kills me. I’ll hold her and love her every day until she knows I’m here for good and staying.
She doesn’t know what lies ahead, and neither do I.
But I know it’ll be all right, so long as she’s with me.
In three strides I’m beside her, silencing the microwave with the mug of water in it for tea and pulling her into my arms instead.
“I want to hear you tell me you’re all right,” I whisper, cupping her chin in my hand and forcing her eyes to mine. She doesn’t have a trace of makeup on and under her eyes are dark circles, although she’s been sleeping all right; better than she was before.
“I couldn’t be with you because I didn’t want to be okay and you made me so much more than just okay.”
“You know I love you,” I tell her. It’s not the first or second or third time I’ve told her since I’ve come home to her. And I’ll keep telling her until the look in her green eyes reflects that she knows they’re true.
“I love you,” she says back in barely a whisper, her expression changing to one of complete sincerity but also laced with pain. Her eyes close as she lets out a breath and presses her cheek into my hand.
I knew she was hiding something and that’s what drew me to her. From the very beginning, she was a mystery.
The dark secrets I didn’t expect. Who could’ve ever expected this?
Allie peeks up at me, the hurt and worry still in her eyes.
She’s walking on eggshells. She’s been this way for days and I hate myself for even feeling slightly angry toward her.
Even though she should have told me.
I love her.
I’d kill again for her. And she knows I would.
Sitting in that cell with nothing to do but think on how it came down to this, the pieces slowly fell into place.
The reason why she kept pushing me away even though we both knew we fit together just right.
