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The reason she seemed off to me when I first met her, the reason I was drawn to her.
It was meant to be this way. As tragic and horrific as it is. I should have been at that party to stop it, but fate found another way, the two of us too broken to prevent the pain. I’ll take her however I can have her.
“Come sit with me?” I ask her and she’s quick to give me the trace of a smile when I take her small hand in mine. She’s eager to make things right and to make me happy, I can feel it in everything she does. Every small look and move is cautious and eager to please.
I sit cross-legged on the floor of the dining room. The sofa’s already in the truck, so the barren floor will have to do.
“When did you become so shy, Allie Cat?” I ask her as she settles in my lap.
“Shy?”
“I feel like you’re hiding from me,” I tell her honestly.
“I’m just …”
“Ashamed?” I say the word I hate to think is the truth.
“And afraid,” she tells me softly in a single breath.
“Of what?”
“I don’t want to lose you, but I know I don’t deserve you.” Thank God she’s at least confessed what I already knew.
“You’re wrong.” My heart beats quicker, my blood runs warmer. All from fear of losing her. I swear I’ll never let her run again.
“I never meant for you to get hurt,” she tells me again. I don’t know why she feels the need. I believe her. Every word.
“I think it was supposed to happen this way,” I say and pull her soft body closer to mine. “I’m not mad at what you did.” I’m careful with my words as I add, “I’m upset you didn’t tell me but I’m not mad, and I don’t hold any of this against you.”
She only nods her head, casting her gaze down and picking at the hem of the shirt she’s wearing. My shirt. “What I did wasn’t okay,” she whispers.
I force her chin up with my hand on her jaw. “You only did it because something had to be done.”
“I did it out of anger,” she’s quick to admit. As if acting out of anger made her intentions worse.
“You did it out of pain,” I say.
Her eyes water and she closes them, not wanting to cry in front of me. Or maybe not wanting to cry at all anymore.
“I’m sorry about Sam, and I’m not sorry that Kevin’s dead.”
“I’m not sorry he’s dead either,” she says, closing her eyes and letting the tears seep into her thick lashes.
“I love you, Allison. I love you so fucking much. And it kills me that you never told me.”
“I didn’t know if you’d believe me,” she says, and it cuts through my heart. “But I also didn’t want you to stop me.” That’s the real truth. And I get it. I understand it. I still hate it, though. “She needed this. Sam needed this,” she says and then breaks down in my arms.
“Where do we go from here?” I ask her. We want each other. But there’s no roadmap for what the future holds and that’s terrifying for her.
“Forgive me, and I’ll go wherever you want. I’ll run away forever. I’ll do whatever you want,” she says, brushing the tears away and leaving her cheeks reddened.
A heavy breath leaves me in a huff. “I’ve already forgiven you, Allie.”
“I love you. I’m so sorry,” she says hurriedly.
“Stop saying you’re sorry.” I plant a small kiss on her lips, tasting the hint of salt from her tears. “And I love you too,” I whisper against her lips.
A moment passes before she questions me.
