AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But tonight, I will hang out with Amy’s parents.
We continue to drink wine and eat Marla’s delicious shepherd’s pie with green salads and crusty French bread. We tell stories about Amy, how she and Frank pranked each other as kids. I double over laughing at the story of her brother hiding in another room at night when he knew she went to the bathroom and charged her with the vacuum that lit up in front. It scared Amy so badly, she spooked the cat, who knocked over three ceramic pots holding fake flowers.
I spend the evening mad at myself that I wasted so many years avoiding these people when I feel like I’m finally alive again. Being stuck in misery was comfortable, but this moment is scary and magnetic and dynamic.
I want this feeling forever.
All because of Shiloh.
She began this for me. I hope she’s there with me in the end.
* * *
The next day, around five o’clock, I park my car in the Goldheart Cemetery parking lot and grab the bouquet of lilies I bought that morning. I walk along the path, pretty much alone in this cemetery, as I step onto the grass, careful not to walk directly over graves.
When I find her headstone, a beautiful granite piece withAmy Louise Williams Finchetched into it, I drop to my knees.
When I first came home, I visited her grave once, but I didn’t feel her presence. To me, she’s not here, not really.
However, it feels different today. Like she’s been waiting for me to return.
The headstone has a small holder for flowers, so I replace the crispy ones with my bouquet, removing the wrapping and fluffing them. Once I’m done, I lean back and just look at it. I press my hands to the grass.
“Hey, baby.” I grumble and cough, and then continue. “I haven’t really kept my promise to you. That I would live. I love you so much. I will never stop loving you. But I know now that the best way to honor you is to live well, when your time was cut so short.”
I cough again, my throat thickening as I sit here to tell her. “I met someone. Her name is Shiloh. She even has the same middle name as you. She’s wonderful—sweet, kind, warm, and she makes me feel like you made me feel. I can’t help but feel like you sent her to me.”
The wind hits me, and I sneeze. An instant smile crosses my face. I wonder if that’s her.
“I screwed up, Amy. I was so scared to give her everything because of what happened to you. I don’t want to be scared anymore, but I am. I can’t lose another person I love.”
A shiver runs down my shoulder, and I flinch, looking behind me, expecting a person to be standing there, but there’s no one.
“I know you wanted me to find someone. It took me ten years, but I did. I just hope that she still loves me.”
The wind picks up again, and a rush of calm floods my system. It tells me this is right. That Shiloh is the one.
“Thank you,” I say, pressing my hand again to the ground. What I loved about her, her spirit, is not in the ground, it’s not in the things I went through. She lives in my memories, and I will always love her.
However, I can’t live in the past anymore.
Shiloh is my future. Shiloh is everything.
36
Shiloh
“How do I look?” I ask, spreading my arms wide.
“You look wonderful. Who are you supposed to be?” Papa asks from his recliner.
“I’m Mandy Moore from the ‘Candy’ video, Papa,” I say with a big smile. I straight-ironed my hair, which reaches my waist with no curls in it. I weaved it into two space buns in the back with a fan of hair. I layered two tank tops, one yellow, one red, and sewed a turquoise skirt from material I found while thrifting. I also bought a vintage Walkman with headphones of questionable cleanliness from eBay as a prop.
I’ve been ridiculously excited for the Second Annual Woody Finch Brewery Adult Prom and this year’s Y2K theme. I’ve never gotten to dress up like Mandy Moore, so this was the perfect opportunity.
I plan to play “Candy” all the way to the brewery.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go? We can make you look like Justin Timberlake.”
