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32
MIA
Colin,Bailey, and I eat at Taqueria for dinner. Bailey’s legs swing below her chair as she eats a messy taco and tells Colin about her recent field trip to the fire station.
He listens, rapt, laughing when Bailey tells him about sliding down the fireman’s pole.
“I met the old fire chief,” she says. “Mr. Allen hurt his knee, so he doesn’t fight fires anymore, but he still volunteers and does training. He said I could be a firefighter when I grow up, and then he let me meet the only woman firefighter in Heart’s Cove. Her name was Sandy. She was kinda scary, but I liked her.”
Grinning, I touch my daughter’s hair, sliding her ponytail back over her shoulder. Colin meets my gaze and shakes his head. “It’s good to be here.” He looks at Bailey. “I’m glad we get to spend time together, kiddo.”
Bailey eats the rest of her taco, chews, and swallows. She meets Colin’s eyes and says, “You’re nicer than I thought you would be.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” she replies. “Mom never really told me about you, and I kind of figured you were mean, because you left. But you’re pretty cool.”
Colin’s face goes through a complicated series of emotions, which he manages to get under control by sipping from his glass of sparkling water. My own insides feel like they’re going through a meat grinder over and over again. Thank goodness he’s leaving at the end of the week. I can’t take too much more of this.
“Not as cool as Des, because he likes basketball,” Bailey continues, oblivious to the punishing blows she’s delivering to both of us, “but still pretty cool.”
“Des,” Colin says. “That’s the guy who was driving you home? The guy who spent Thanksgiving with you?”
“Yeah,” Bailey cuts in before I can respond. “Mom was kissing him. It was gross.”
Colin frowns at me, which kind of pisses me off. I decide to ignore it altogether, because, really, it’s none of his business who I kiss. Hasn’t been his business for ten years.
By the time the meal is over and Colin is saying goodbye to Bailey, I’m about ready to collapse into bed. Then he touches my elbow and says, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
Here we go.What now?
I nod, opening the back door of my car for Bailey and closing it gently, then turning to face my ex-husband.
Colin adjusts the collar of his shirt and lets out a long sigh. He fusses with the buttons of his pea coat, then tugs at the cuffs. My patience wears thin as I watch him preen himself.
My ex is only a couple of inches taller than I am, and I used to like that he didn’t tower over me. He has the body of a software engineer, by which I mean, he’s kind of scrawny. He’s not out of shape, but he looks like he’d run marathons instead of lift weights. I liked that about him too. His size never intimidated me—I used to think that was great. I didn’t understand how nice it would be to be in the arms of a man of Des’s stature. How safe and loved I could feel with someone as strong as my landlord.
I was so in love with Colin, but now, I feel nothing. No bitterness, no anger, no love…just a sort of exhaustion and emptiness. He’s just another thing I need to add to my to-do list (Item One: Make Sure My Daughter Doesn’t Resent Me for Keeping Her From Her Father. Item Two: Make Sure Father Doesn’t Leave and Break Her Heart (Again)).
“She’s great,” Colin starts, nodding to the car. “You did a fantastic job with her.”
Well, duh.Instead of sassing him like I’m a moody teenager, I just answer, “Thanks.” Look at me, taking the high road. I should get an award.
“I’ve talked to my boss, and they’re willing to let me work from home for the foreseeable future.”
“Oh,” I say, my heart starting to pick up speed. Why is he telling me this?
“I’ve decided to stay in Heart’s Cove, try to get to know Bailey more.” He glances at Bailey and gives her a little smile and a wave. I feel the need to punch his nose until it breaks and decide I don’t deserve an award after all. He looks at me with those sad, soulful eyes. “I know it’s not nearly enough to make up for leaving, but meeting her… My priorities have changed. I’ve put an offer in on a home here in town, and it’s been accepted.”
My whole body goes cold. The emotion that rushes through me is unfamiliar; it takes me a second to realize what exactly I’m feeling. Then I get it—it’s pure, icy terror.
“You’re not getting custody of her,” I blurt. So much for being the bigger person. Saint Mia dies a quick and ugly death.
Colin blinks rapidly, then shakes his head. “I know. I just want to be in her life.”
“You don’t get to swoop in and be a hero, Colin. She’smydaughter.” Cold fear gets burned up by dragon’s breath as my temper finally,finallycomes out to play. I grip it with both hands, needing to cling onto something familiar to tow me out of this storm of emotions.
My ex-husband willnottake my daughter away. He won’t be the hero. He won’t waltz into my life and mess everything up again. Never, ever, ever.
