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Istare at the paper on the desk in the guest room, divided into three columns, reeling both from the words and from the way Grey watched me as I put on the clothes he’d had brought over for me before tying my hands behind my back with a piece of rope. I did resist, of course, but my resistance was dampened by the fact that I wanted to feel the rope around my wrists.
After much attitude, I finally acquiesced, allowing him to cover my front with a tea towel and feed me lunch which he had made himself. Apparently, it was “part of my training”, learning to be comfortable with my hands bound… and I was, remarkably so, a fact I can barely comprehend.
I glance over at the neatly folded piles of brand-new clothes on the table on the other side of the guestroom Grey has given me to allow me some personal space if I need it. Grey’s secretary, Janet, bought them for me which I have to say is a new life experience for me.
Deciding to stop distracting myself, I plop my cheek onto my palm and stare at the words before me, written in Grey’s hand.
Kinks Soft LimitsHard Limits
“I really can’t believe he wants me to fill this thing out,” I gripe to Fran who is on speakerphone, although the truth is, it may be the most enticing piece of paper I've ever set eyes on.
“Well, you don’t have to,” she responds, chuckling to herself.
The phone is propped up on a box of tissues on the desk and she’s watching me with amusement as I work myself into a pretzel over the document Grey presented to me after lunch.
“Seriously, is this normal? Like, is this what men are doing now?”
“I've never heard of it,” she replies. “I mean, he’s obviously taking your sex life seriously.”
“Yeah, whatever happened to good old conversation? Why do I have to write it down, for fuck’s sake?”
“Well, A, you don’t have to. And B, maybe he wants you to have time to think about it.”
“What do I even write?”
“I don’t know, babe,” she sniggers as my eyes wander to the book of Robert Frost poems Grey made me bring up with me. “I mean, what are your kinks?”
“My kinks? Coming out of sex without needing to see a therapist?”
“Ouch. That got dark,” she says, spooning some yogurt into her mouth. “I mean, maybe write that down.”
“I don’t think that’s what he had in mind when he wrote the wordKinkdown,” I reply flatly.
“Did he write it in his own handwriting?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck,” she groans.
“What?”
“I mean, that’s kind of hot.” I shake my head at her and her lips widen into a naughty grin. “Well, it is. That man is one hot piece of ass.”
“Honestly, I feel like what we’ve done so far only scratches the surface of what that man likes. Oh and, you better not repeat the kink list to anyone.”
“I’ll be repeating it to the next man I date. I can already tell he’s gonna disappoint me after hearing about Grey’s ways.”
“Stop,” I chuckle, fidgeting in my seat, grateful for the extra soft cushion Grey placed on it to spare my behind after the whipping it took which still burns a little despite him putting more of that soothing cream on it after lunch.
“Write it down,” Fran instructs. “The bit about trauma-free sex.”
“I can’t. He’ll think I’m a freaking basket case.”
Plus, I don’t want to bring the energy of Micah into this, especially because I know that a small part of the reason I’m so desperately drawn to Grey is because I pray he can reset my body, erase things that imprinted on me, things I don’t want to feel ever again. I want all that energy gone. For good.
“Look, we’re all fucked up, Indie. All of us. Him included. Actually, especially him.”
“What do you mean?” I laugh.
