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He had never relied on anyone, had never trusted anyone since he’d been a little boy, and he’d learned not to trust.
And now he would have to rely on a woman who had lied to him for five years—whose effect on him he still had no damn control over—to show him how to be a parent to a child he did not know. And did not know how to get to know.
Terrific.
Lacey breathed through the anxiety as the hard line of Brandon’s shoulders softened just a little.
She drew in a careful breath, easing the painful vice around her ribs which had been tightening ever since she’d received the text from his assistant three days ago.
She’d been scared of what would happen at this meeting, what he might demand, and the team of lawyers hadn’t exactly put her at ease. She’d assumed he would be cold, clinical, frighteningly controlled. His visible fury, his loss of control, had shocked her to her core.
‘Yes, our child,’ she said, trying desperately to form some kind of connection with him. To reach out and soothe.
Stupid, really, that she should feel any sympathy for him. He was her enemy now in a lot of ways, and an extremely formidable enemy at that. It was obvious he was furious with her, and she’d been going over and over in her head all the possible ways he could make her pay for her five years of silence.
But, despite her fear, there was something about his volatile response which felt familiar, almost reassuring in a weird way. Because it reminded her of her own panic—at the enormity of the task now facing her—when the two clear red lines had appeared on the pregnancy test kit.
Somehow Brandon’s temper—his tenuous hold on his emotions—felt better than the clinical indifference of his solicitor’s letter and the communications she’d had since about Ruby, all filtered through his assistant. She’d been terrified Ruby’s existence would mean nothing to him—other than a means to punish her for defying him—but that, at least, did not seem to be the case.
He huffed and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets, still staring at the staggering view of the London skyline, his back turned to her.
‘It’s not my intention to hurt her,’ he said, his tone clipped and still edged with bitterness, but she could hear the weariness too.
Was it possible he had struggled as much as she once had with the thought of becoming a parent?
Of course it is.
The guilt she’d tried to ignore dropped back into her stomach like a stone.
And he hasn’t had eight months to prepare, the way you did. Because you denied him that chance.
‘It was wrong of me to keep her a secret from you,’ she said again. Seeing his back muscles tense, she had to force herself to continue. ‘I persuaded myself it was in her best interests. Once I’d decided to have her, I convinced myself you wouldn’t want her, wouldn’t even want me to have her, that you’d put pressure on me not to.’
He swung round, his brows flattening. ‘You thought I’d force you to have an abortion?’ he said. ‘On what evidence, for God’s sake?’
‘From what you saidthatnight... After...after we made her...’ She stuttered to a stop, the fierce expression making her feel like that naïve intern again.
‘What did I say?’ he asked.
‘You said it shouldn’t have happened. That the condom had split, and if there were consequences to contact your office so you could deal with it.’ She repeated his words almost verbatim, because she’d never forgotten them. They had been etched on her memory like a wound.
He pressed his lips together—as if he doubted her recollection. It seemed what he’d said to her that night had not been etched onhismemory. But then he leaned back against his desk, crossed his arms over his chest and dropped his searing gaze from her face. He swore softly. Uncrossing his arms, he shoved his hands back into his pockets, his gaze locking on hers again.
‘I don’t remember saying that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did. I was still reeling from the shock of discovery you were a virgin and that I had taken you with such...urgency.’
She nodded, the grudging concession making her eyes sting—because it gave her some validation, for the girl she’d been. She had been young and foolish that night, but she hadn’t been wrong about the intensity of their connection.
The steely light in his eyes hardened. ‘Although, none of that explains why you didn’t tell me about the child when you came to interview me, or while we were at the ball or...’ His gaze drifted down, making her aware of all the erogenous zones he had exploited a week ago. ‘Before we slept together a second time. You had a ton of opportunities, and you didn’t take them. Why?’
The vice around her ribs winched tight again. And it was her turn to fold her arms around her waist, trying to protect herself once again from that searing gaze.
‘I should have said something. You’re right,’ she said, hoping he wouldn’t take it any further.
‘You’ll have to do better than that, Lacey.’
Heat exploded in her cheeks, matched by the fierce heat lighting his gaze as he stepped closer. She inched back a step, only to have her legs hit the chair. She couldn’t retreat any further.
‘I guess I got distracted,’ she managed.
