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‘Fab, me first, because I have some wonderful news,’ she said.
At exactly the same time, Brandon said, ‘I understand you’ve been offered the job atBuzz.’
‘Um...y-yes,’ she stammered, more than a little deflated he’d stolen her surprise. ‘How did you find out? They only told me ten minutes ago.’
‘That’s beside the point,’ he said, but something sparked in his eyes which she couldn’t read—because it looked weirdly like irritation. ‘I thought we agreed you weren’t going to work there,’ he said. It wasn’t a question.
‘When did we agree to that?’ she replied carefully. Why was he looking at her like that? As if she’d done something wrong? This wasn’t just annoyance, it was disapproval.
‘I thought we were having another child,’ he said, his gaze becoming flat and remote, his tone accusatory. ‘You said you would think about it. But I found out this morning you just got prescribed another six months’ supply of contraceptive pills.’
Shock came first, swiftly followed by anger, but right beneath it was that dropping sensation in her stomach. That brutal, unrelenting feeling of inadequacy she remembered so well from the last time she had seen her father the day after their mother’s funeral, when he had told Milly and her ever so politely that, while he was sorry for their loss, he had another family now and he simply did not have time to deal with their problems.
‘How do you know about my prescription?’ she demanded, wanting to be angry but unable to muster anything past the ball of misery in her stomach.
‘I found the pills in your bathroom cabinet,’ he said, striding round his desk, the look on his face making it clear he believed he was the injured party. ‘After I heard about your job offer.’
The hope she had been nurturing for over a month—ever since that beautiful night in his arms in Bermuda—died slowly inside her as he continued.
‘We had a deal, Lacey. You asked me to trust you, and I did. Then you applied for that damn job behind my back.’ Something flickered in his eyes that looked almost like hurt. But how could she even think that, when she had been wrong about so much else?
She’d thought they were building something important here, that he was starting to fall in love with her. But his approval had always been conditional, she suddenly realised, on never crossing that line in the sand he had drawn between them.
‘You had no right to check up on my prescription,’ she managed. ‘And there’s no reason I can’t have a jobanda baby.’ She shook her head, the brutal yearning in her chest mocking her. ‘But that’s not even the point. I said I would think about it, but it’s clear now I’d be a fool to consider having another child with you.’
‘Why the hell not?’ he said, the temper in his voice upsetting her even more.
He hadn’t opened himself to her, opened himself to the possibility of love. Not really. She’d hardly seen him in the last four weeks, except when he’d wanted to sleep with her, and even then he refused to spend the night with her. Why had she been so ready to accept that? To accept the crumbs of his affection, rather than demanding more?
‘Because I’m not ready to bring another child into a marriage that obviously isn’t working,’ she said, the words hurting her throat.
His expression went from sharp to fierce. ‘Of course it’s working,’ he said. ‘We’re making a good home here for our child.Together. I want you. I can’t stop wanting you. And you want me. What the heck else is there?’
‘Love.’ She blurted the word out, hating how needy it sounded.
‘Love?’The astonished expression only crucified her more.
She hugged herself, her heart splintering in her chest. ‘I’ve fallen in love with you, Brandon,’ she murmured, finally telling him the truth she should have told him weeks ago. But she had never imagined telling him like this. She had thought it would be a declaration full of promise, possibility and excitement. Instead it felt cloying and pathetic, when he simply stared at her, his expression blank.
He looked genuinely stunned, but then his gaze intensified, holding something she didn’t understand. ‘If you love me,’ he said slowly, his voice rough with an emotion she didn’t understand, because it sounded almost like regret, ‘Why won’t you have another child with me?’
She stared at him, her whole body beginning to shake—sadness and longing making the boulder in her stomach grow. ‘Because you don’t love me back, Brandon. And I’m not even sure you’re capable of loving me back any more.’
Brandon swallowed down the panic threatening to consume him.
He couldn’t lose her. Not now, not after discovering what a life with her and Ruby...and hopefully more children...would be like.
Each night he made love to her with a fury, a desperation, he hoped would bind her to him for ever. But, as soon as he watched her go over, his desperation only got worse.
He understood why she wanted to work. But he didn’t want her working for that libidinous bastard Roman Garner.
He’d been thinking about Lacey having another baby ever since the night he had suggested it in Bermuda, the erotic thought morphing into something so much more compelling.
It was the perfect solution.
Sex would never be enough to bind a woman like her—full of fire, passion and honesty—to a man like him, but he had hoped that a baby...a new life they could share in this time...would be enough.
And now he’d blown it.
