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He made an impatient clicking gesture with his fingers. ‘And?’
Mia chose her words carefully. She’d been doing a lot of that since they’d got here—walking over verbal eggshells, so to speak. Since she’d been in Nice it had seemed vital that she distance herself from him as much as possible. Not in an obvious way. In bed, she was no different—her sexual response to him as ecstatic and enthusiastic as it had always been. But she was trying hard to focus on all the reasons why Theo was not a good long-term bet—the biggest one being that their marriage was nothing but a farce, a temporary union which would be dissolved as soon as her grandfather died.
Because it was funny how being in a different location made you look at things in a different way. She looked around, listening to the rising buzz as the sophisticated audience chattered among themselves in the dome-ceilinged room. She wasn’t like these people. She’d observed their reactions when she had been introduced as Theo’s wife. The quick double-take before looking her up and down as if they might have missed something, first time round. As if wondering why the man who could have anyone had settled for someone like her.
Whyhad he brought her here? He certainly hadn’t needed to. As far as she could make out, there were hardly any other wives or partners at the convention.
But that wasn’t a question to ask him now, in this public arena—not when he was regarding her thoughtfully, his jet-dark eyes narrowed, as if he had picked up on the unease which had been growing for days now. She thought about the concluding words of his speech and a terrible sense of inevitability began to ripple up inside her as she acknowledged why she had found them so disturbing. Because things were coming to a head, weren’t they? That was what happened in life. Nothing ever stayed the same.
‘You were brilliant,’ she said. ‘You know you were.’
He smiled. A tight, hard smile which pierced through her emotional armour without any obvious effort on his part.
They returned to their lavish suite, with its wall of windows overlooking Nice’s glittering coast. When they had arrived it had felt a bit like a honeymoon destination, because it was quite obviously the finest accommodation in the upmarket establishment. But now, the magnificent view of the Promenade des Anglais left Mia cold, as did the golden glimmer of the walls and the amazing artwork, which must have been worth a fortune. She might as well have been in a railway waiting room for all the notice she took of her surroundings.
While Theo put in a call to his office, she went into the bathroom, her heart thumping as she gazed into the mirror, knowing she couldn’t keep on blotting out questions which needed to be asked, just because she was afraid of what the answers might be.
So was she going to ask him? Or was she just going to keep burying her head in the sand?
She found him outside on the vast expanse of terrace, gazing out at the turquoise glitter of the sunlit sea. He had removed his jacket and was leaning on the wrought-iron railings, looking utterly magnificent against the iconic backdrop. The rich sunlight highlighted the ebony darkness of his hair and illuminated the powerful body she knew so well. She stood very still for a moment, committing the delicious image to memory, but he must have heard her for he turned. His shuttered expression was unreadable, his hard face shadowed.
‘You look troubled,’ he observed slowly.
‘I suppose I am,’ she answered, slightly surprised by his question because wasn’t that a bitprobingfor Theo?
‘And why’s that?’
‘Think about it.’ She lifted up her hands in exasperation. ‘Most people might say thatpretendingto be married is stressful enough, but there are plenty of other things which have the ability to keep me awake in the middle of the night.’ She paused, the tip of her tongue travelling over her bottom lip. ‘Which I don’t suppose you’ll want to discuss. I thought your speech was brilliant, by the way.’
His intelligent black eyes gleamed, as if he was perfectly aware that she was stalling. ‘So you said.’
‘You ended it by talking about children.’ She swallowed. ‘And grandchildren.’
His expression was still closed and shuttered. ‘I did. What of it?’
‘You created a very powerful image with your words.’
‘That’s the secret of giving a talk which doesn’t make people want to fall asleep.’ Above the obsidian glitter of his eyes, his dark brows rose. ‘But I suspect my use of powerful imagery isn’t what’s troubling you.’
‘No.’ Justsayit. ‘Do you want children of your own, Theo? Was that what made you address it?’
He shook his head. ‘No.’
‘And have you ever...have you ever wanted them?’
There was silence. ‘You mean, with you?’
Mia’s heart was beating so loud she was surprised he couldn’t hear it. Surely the whole hotel could hear it. She nodded.
‘Yes, I wanted a family,’ he said at last. Raking his fingers back through the liquorice thickness of his hair, he expelled a long and ragged breath. ‘A real family, like I’d never known. A happy family. When I still believed such a thing could exist.’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘I wanted everything with you, Mia. Or at least, I thought I did.’
‘Everything?’ she verified breathlessly, even though her heart was breaking to hear him refer to it in the past tense.
‘Of course.’ His mouth twisted into a bitter smile. ‘Because I was young and idealistic and you exemplified everything I’d never known in a woman before. You entranced me. Fascinated me. I was bowled over by your innocence and compassion and the way you never judged me, when I had been judged for all of my life. And you adored me.’ A smile tinged with regret played at the edges of his lips. ‘You left me in no doubt about that. You didn’t hold back from telling me you loved me because you were waiting for me to say it first. You didn’t try to manipulate my emotions. You were everything I thought a woman should be.’ He paused. ‘A black and white drawing on a piece of canvas,’ he finished quietly. ‘Which I coloured in to fit my own specifications.’
‘I’m afraid that kind of imagery is beyond me,’ she breathed. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘No. I didn’t understand it myself for a long time.’ Theo turned to look out at the sea, as if he might find the answer somewhere within the glittering dance of the waves, but he saw nothing other than swimmers splashing around in the shallows. And when he faced her again he could see that Mia’s face had grown pale and her eyes were dark and huge, as if she already knew she wasn’t going to like what he was about to say. But she had asked him, hadn’t she? And since she had asked, she should listen to his answers. It might hurt her—and maybe it would hurt him, too—but it might enable them both to move on.
