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And with that, he turns on his heel, leaving me with only one backward glance, a sad smile on those soft, kissable lips of his.
I quickly close the door behind me, my heart racing in my chest.
“He… loves me?” I feel stunned, my mind numb, like I’m trying to process shocking news. But his confession shouldn’t come as a shock, should it? Not after the way he’s cared for me.
And the fact that I’m in love with him too.
After showers and a meal and a long nap for us both, I sit on the sofa, a cup of Earl Grey resting on a saucer in my hand, an afghan Nonna crocheted years ago covering my lap.
A warm, thrumming string of words keeps winding its way through my mind and my heart.I love you, Kylie Barone. I love you.Deep breaths, deep breaths, I tell myself, trying to relax, but it doesn’t slow my racing heart.
Nonna sits beside me, sipping chamomile tea. We have the television on, tuned into our favorite gameshow. One we watched together every night before Fire came into our lives. She’s quiet tonight. She’s usually animated during the show, talking back to the host, shouting out wrong answers.
I glance over at her. “You feeling alright?”
“I feel just fine. That’s the problem. I can’t believe I’m missing the weekly poker game for this nonsense.” She gives a rude gesture to the television, mumbling Italian curses under her breath.
“You need your rest.” And a night off from the cigar smoke and open bar of hard liquor. I take a sip of tea. “It’s better for you to be here, where things are calm…”
Where life is simple and just makes sense. Where beautiful women don’t come back into the life of your man, making you wonder if you’ve gotten in the way of what could be true love.
But he told you he loves you, Kylie. How can you not accept the words?
“The only true love you’re getting in the way of is your own,” Nonna snaps.
“Huh?” I shake my head. Is my grandmother a mind reader? Was I talking out loud?
“I hear you mumbling over there. And don’t think I don’t know about Catherine who changed her name to Kat and got a K tattoo and came back from the past, like a blonde bombshell in a time machine,” she says.
“I don’t want to talk about her,” I say.
“Well, I do. You love someone for real? Let me tell you something, Kylie. You don’t disappear for ten years.”
Quiet falls over us, her words instantly bringing the thought of my mother into the room. A woman who’s been gone almost ten years. The presence of her memory is so strong, it’s as if she’s sitting here with us.
Nonna reaches over, patting my hand. “I’m sorry, Kylie. I wasn’t thinking when I spoke. Your mother loves you. Of course she does. I only meant that if Kat left him, the two of them have had their chance. He loves you, now.”
“Loves me…” I’m careful to keep my thoughts in my mind this time, as I ponder her words.
Does Cannon love me? He says he does. Why can’t I believe him?
If love is an action, then yes, he does. He’d do anything for me. But if it’s a feeling, a fleeting emotion, I have no idea. After Catherine, he stayed single for ten years.
Ten years. I could never have that kind of hold over someone, could I? I mean, if your own mother doesn’t love you, doesn’t stick around for you… how can you expect anyone else to?
Nonna takes the remote from my hand, clicking the TV off. Silence buzzes in my eardrums.
“Kylie.” Her voice is soft. “Why are we really here?”
“I told you, Nonna,” I say. “So you can rest. I thought you’d like the comfort of a familiar place and the quiet of being home.”
She gives a heavy sigh. “Home. It’s a funny word, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” I take another sip of tea.
“Well, a home can be a building, or it can be something else. This little yellow cottage we are sitting in is as familiar to me as the back of my own hand.” Her gaze holds mine. “So tell me, Kylie, why is it that I feel homesick right now?”
“I don’t know,” I say, blinking back the tears my own yearning is making well up in my eyes. “You tell me.”
